"I'M S**UALLY STARVING" (18+) --by Nickz

(Image source: www.torchleader.com)

Few days ago, I visited my friend and former course mate. We got engaged in some cordial conversation and one of the topics was women. Yes, we guys talk about women, just the way they talk about us. He was telling me about a girl he dated back on campus. Let’s call her Tina and call my friend, Jay. Just so you know, Jay wasn’t the platonic–friendship type of guy. As a young undergraduate, his motive was not casual friendship but hedonic. Tina, the 22 year old girl he happened to date was a sex machine that matched his pleasure desire and he had his fill each time she came around. She loved sex and wanted it often, just like he enjoyed it too. After a while, Tina saw the need to move on as they both knew they were not ready to take the relationship to the next level. There was no hard feeling. They understood their level of commitment and even after Tina announced that she was getting married to someone else, Jay was still in good terms with her. He too, needed to focus on his academics and side hustles.

Now, this is where the discussion started getting catchy: Tina got married to a banker, moved from Uyo to Lagos and started her matrimonial home there. After some months, she initiated conversation with Jay via Whatsapp. She was not sounding happy like a newly wedded wife who should be having a good time walking the dream journey. This was her cry: “I’m sexually starving”. Jay saw it as a joke initially but Tina cleared the air and proved her seriousness. According to her, her husband who is a banker barely had time to touch her. He came back from work late in the evening and each time, was usually too tired to perform and if he did, he wasn’t delivering up to the brim of her cavity of expectation. He was a young man in his early thirties. “It’s over four weeks we had sex,” she complained to Jay. To make matters worse, Tina had no job and was always home. When the husband left for work, she remained at home alone, which sky-rocketed her horny feelings.  She confessed she masturbated just to satisfy her urges. Jay, knowing she was married had washed his hands off her and moved on with other single warm bloods. All he could do was try to give her some hope and encouragement but she wasn’t ready for any sermon. She came out blunt. She wanted Jay over! The desperation was there in every word she dropped. She said each time she went though the memories of what they shared back in the day, it usually drove her crazy and she had to stimulate herself to get excitement using Jay’s picture as the “stimulant”! She couldn’t bear it all alone and she contacted Jay again. She was willing to sponsor his trip to and fro Lagos, just to fill her up the good old way. She made that clear to Jay.

Jay felt for her. “Have you discussed how you usually feel with your husband?” He asked her. She replied that telling her husband anything of such nature would make him very uncomfortable and suddenly suspicious of her each time he left her at home to work. That was not something she desired. It could definitely ruin their union. Jay agreed on that point. Asking her husband for more sex could be very awkward. But the situation was still there. Jay shared everything with me. I strongly discouraged him from making such a trip. Sleeping with someone’s wife was on the black pages of abominations. He said he wouldn’t make such a stupid move. I didn’t press further. I just hoped he would stick to his words.

When I returned home, I played out the whole situation and possible outcomes in my head. If Jay eventually succumbed to her mundane desires, made the trip and made away the first time, that would open a room for more trips and as they say; nothing is hidden under the sun, one day, the deed will be exposed to the knowledge of all. The implications will be disgraceful. If Jay keeps his word and declines the invitation, which would be responsible of him, what happens to Tina? She’s gonna find someone else–even the janitor or plumber –just anyone available with that ‘joystick’ and still, it’s going to end badly.

One thing I greatly frown on is matrimonial desecration and this true story I’ve shared brings about this write-up. I’m single but I’m sure I still stand in a better position to have a say on marital affairs. Many may be hasty to tag Tina a slut and cast stones on her. Do not forget that many, many marriages are passing through a similar problem. The way I look at Tina’s situation, I’m sure the problem could have been detected right from courtship. Being a lover of sex, she definitely did not refrain from sex during courtship and during that period, the signs would have been visible that her man was not the sex addict type. She ignored, believing a magic would happen in marriage. Even in a situation where there is no sexual relationship during courtship, sexual topics should be raised and freely aired, without assuming everything would take its place naturally. Men and women have different preferences on this subject and this can become one of the determinant binding cords of marriage. 

Having frequent desire for sex should not be totally condemned if it’s not based on some form of disorder. Though marriage is not just about sex, attention should be given to this topic in marriage, just the way attention is given to money inflow and wellbeing.  But in Tina’s case, the mistake has already been made. Somewhere in my heart, I know there’s a way out for her. I’m no marriage counselor or an authority. Advising Tina to meet a marriage counselor could make her shiver from fear of being seen as a ‘bad type’, though these experts are ideal for her to meet and they do not disclose confidential information. I’m sure one or more readers can have a beneficial say on this that can save not just Tina but many others. That’s why I’m throwing this topic open for you to read and contribute.  Somebody out there reading this is also in Tina’s shoes and wants a way out. Left to me, I’d say Tina should use a subtle approach and discuss with her husband. A responsible husband would find a beneficial way around and work something out. But what if the man acts as she feared and treats her with disdain? This issue requires delicate handling, if the marriage has to be saved. What’s your say?