ACCEPTANCE --by Kreed

(Image source: nl.pinterest.com)

“The more you trust, the more you get crushed. If you show too much emotion, people will just exploit it. I try to be friendly to all and this is what I get? No problem, lessons learnt. I’ll never waste my life on any human being again.”

He took another sip from his glass. “I’ll start taking alcohol, I’ll go for parties, and I’ll stop smiling as often as I used to. I won’t even call people anymore, it’s like everybody takes me for granted. And oh, no more mister nice guy, I won’t tolerate any offence as often as I used to.” He concluded as he wiped the tears off his face. All I could do was just stare; this was the nicest guy I knew, probably the nicest in school. I had seen him being mocked and scorned on several occasions but he still took it on his stride. This however, the rejection he just got from a girl, this one broke him. He told me it was the third time, the third time in a row. I do understand how it feels to be rejected but thrice in a row? Never been there. I poured the remaining beer into his glass then he raised his hands to draw the attention of the bartender. “Another bottle,” he said. “Don’t even try it!” I shouted. I had seen enough already and I couldn’t stand it anymore.

I’ve come across a lot of individuals who have taken this wrong step in their lives. Changing your character or attitude, just to prove to someone that you’re a ‘badass’ or a tough guy, is just juvenile. You shouldn’t judge yourself based on most people’s opinion about you because most times, those opinions come from people who often see themselves as being perfect and who often believe every other person should live like they do. Do not attempt to abandon those beautiful attributes you have, just because of someone’s venom. It’s your life and you shouldn’t live to please anybody but GOD. Be your own man and don’t act like a feather on a windy day.  The world doesn’t end with one person, if they don’t like you, it doesn’t mean other people don’t.

Every human being has an emotional weak point, once it is meddled with, this is always the outcome. The way some people treat others, you’d be given the impression that people don’t have feelings. From shouting others down for trivial reasons, to looking them in the eyes while informing them how worthless they are to the world. You think it’s nothing right? Well, I’ve heard of people at the receiving end of such treatments, who have gone on to commit suicide. These things you consider to be minor can cause depression. Just because you ‘have no feelings’ does not mean others don’t. Most people are fond of judging people’s emotional resilience based on their physique. In my life time though, I’ve seen some Arnold Schwarzeneggers breakdown and cry. So don’t assume anybody is strong to withstand the venoms from your words. It is not written on the face hence, it is only wise for one to treat every human with some measure of respect and to choose your words wisely. If what you have to say is the truth, then communicate it with love and kindness, not with insensitivity.

Looking down on people, downplaying their importance, is one act we should desist from. “You’re rich and he isn’t”, “You have a great job and she doesn’t”, “You have a better job and he doesn’t” etc, should not be the basis which should be used by us, when dealing with others. What’s important is this; “Is he/she human?” If yes, then they deserve to be treated with respect. The same level of respect you would wish others to accord you. If you don’t like them doesn’t mean they are any less important than you are. They mere fact that the still breathe, is an evidence that God accepts them the way they are.

Finally, it doesn’t matter whether you need them, just treat everybody right. “If you can’t lift them, don’t drop them.”

THE POT OF SOUP WAHALA --by Slick

(Image source: www.appropedia.org)

Sometimes as a writer, you decide to go spiritual in your articles; but then there are folks out there that think they know you or have seen things that you have done in your past and believe that you should not be an authority on any particular subject. Well, that’s a discussion for August.

First off, I would like to apologize for my sudden break in transmission; economy just get as e be. No electricity in addition to the heat that everyone is complaining about. Today, I would love to share an article on “LOVING YOUR NEIGHBOUR”. Hope you enjoy and learn from my experience.

When the word “Neighbour” comes to mind, we readily conclude that the word refers to people that live around us; in the same compound or vicinity and most of the times throw our relationship with these set into the bush (Not literally though!)

I woke up this morning suffering a headache, probably the after-math of a wild night, to hear the voices of two women screaming on the top of their voices. They lived in a building adjacent to my house, but I could hear their voices clearer than when one had headphones plugged in. Their noise aggravated my headache and then I thought I would just listen into their conversation to understand what the hullabaloo was about. Voila! It was about a pot of soup! Can you believe it? A POT OF SOUP. Now read carefully and let your imaginations come alive.

These women lived in a building that hosted one-room apartments where some of the occupants shared the same kitchen and bathroom. That one we colloquially call “Face Me, I Slap you”. One of the women had apparently woken up early to warm some left over soup for breakfast. She left the soup on the stove to warm and headed off to carry out her other morning chores. The other woman walked into the kitchen and was doing her duties and could smell the soup on the stove burning away but she decided to play blind to what was going on. The owner of the pot of soup returned to a completely burnt pot of soup and thus resulted in the noise I was hearing. It was a good source of inspiration for writing this piece because as a typical Nigerian, I could draw various questions and inferences from the scene I had eavesdropped on.

1    1.      Did they have a prior score to settle?

2    2.     What was the behavioural pattern of the owner of the pot of soup?

3    3.    Was the other woman just avoiding trouble?

4    4.    Why did the woman abandon her pot for something else?

5    5.     Who had greater fault?

You know a lot of stuff goes on when you live in a place like that. I don live for there before so I can give you the low down on how it goes down there. Jesus taught us to love our neighbours as ourselves, or as we hear it; “Do it unto to others as you want it done to you”.

“Madam, why you go do like say you no smell as the pot of soup dey burn? The owner of the soup repeatedly asked. I could hear the pain in her voice; probably it was for breakfast. And the only response she got was, “Wetin concern my life for inside”

Does the world have to go on with us not paying less attention to events around us except for those that concern us directly? And then we lift our dirty hands in worship to a God that showed us so much love even to the point of sending His son to die for us. We read about heroes that died for the love they had for our nation and people around them. Remember, that you have not started living if you do not break your selfish routine and live for others sometimes. Ehen! Be quick to say that I do not know what I am talking about, well it’s either the hangover playing mind tricks with my head or I am actually passing a message to your conscience. The world can get better with a simple act of love and care. Do not wait till it’s Christmas... As for the noisy women, I don’t know jor. That would be all for now.

NIGERIA: HOME OF PARANOIACS? --by Nickz

I was enjoying the moderate speed of the keke until a someone flagged it down. The driver pulled over to pick the new passenger. I turned to look properly; she was an old lady, very old and frail. There were at least a million lines of wrinkles on her face, sprinkled with signatures of poverty and hardship. The keke driver asked for her destination. “My son, please help me. I want to drop at ****” The keke driver was not going that direction so he replied her: “Madam, I no de go that side.” She was still in need of his services. She asked pleadingly if he could help drop her along the road somewhere that would be closer to her route where she could pick another vehicle. “Please help me my son, my waist is aching badly, I can’t stand for long,” she pleaded. “Madam, I say I no de go,” he replied impatiently and was about zooming off. “Wait,” I said. I pulled out a hundred naira note and handed to the old woman. “Please Ma add this to your transport fare.”  I handed the money to her and she thanked and blessed me before we moved. On the way, the keke man started a conversation with me.

“Do you know that most of those old women on the road are witches? Nigerian films have taught me a lot of things. They can use your help to harm and frustrate your life.” I couldn’t help chuckling at his display of fear and suspicion towards the old lady. “I was only helping an old woman in need. That’s what my Maker says we should do; not to withhold good from another when it is in our power to help. If she attempts to use my help to cause me harm, then she’ll be heaping red coals on her head.” He couldn’t debate further so we continued the ride in silence.

The mentality of people, especially Nigerians have been seared by events foretold, overheard, experienced or imagined to the extent that no one can be trusted, helped, or assisted, even in situations that affirms the cry for help is genuine. There’s always that paranoid feeling of doubt, fear, suspicion and self-protection that on so many occasions, we shield ourselves from the rest of the world, living in a cocoon of self centeredness, in the process, depriving ourselves the essence of existence, sometimes, even depriving ourselves of disguised golden opportunities. Sometimes, we don’t even have anything to lose but that thing in us, that shell around us tries to block others out of our lives. To some extent, it limits the ability to socialize and widen our circle of connections.

There are so many other instances asides the old lady case. So many times, while travelling, if I happen to be seated beside a fellow young mind, I usually like to start up a conversation to keep the journey enjoyable. I’ve made few nice friends from such avenues. It’s often easier if you’re seated by a guy, the whole conversation thing is not that difficult but good lord, let it be a female and you’re most likely in for a big show. When you say a “hi”, she acts like she didn’t hear you the first time until you repeat. Then, you see the way she configures her face and rolls her eyes in a way that says, “Guy, I know what you’re up to. Y’all are the same. You’re wasting your time” before she reluctantly replies your hi. Dammit girl! For christsake, I’m not gonna ask you for sex. I wonna introduce our blog to you! Open the f**k up! 

I recall how reluctant Catherine was when we first met in a bus from Aba to Uyo. I know she’ll be LOLing now while reading this. Even after stealing my window seat, she was still uptight over keeping a simple conversation. After a while, she opened up and then she realized how useful I was to her immediate needs. Today, we’re still good friends.

Nowadays, mothers lock their kids indoors with television and nannies, barring them from playing with neighbouring kids for fear of harm. I wonder what harm had befallen me when I used to run around half naked with many other kids, playing, climbing trees and struggling for fruits. Nowadays, the fear and suspicion of fellow men is the beginning of wisdom.

The level of suspicion and absolute fear of relationship is so high even an elderly lady on the road wouldn’t give her load to a young man willing to assist, except in a rural setting. When I watch western movies, I like what I see. You can see a fellow at a train station holding a cigarette. He walks up to another guy and asks for light. You see the other guy handing out a lighter readily. If it was a Nigerian situation, the guy asking wouldn’t even bother doing so because he’d be suspected of being a pickpocket. Hey, I know not everything in movies is real but it can’t be all that’s unreal. Some actually reflect cultures. I also came across another advert from Mentos on Facebook. I loved the concept of the advert but I really laughed at how frustrating it could have been in a Nigerian situation. I’ll drop the link at the end of this article so you can also see the clip.

Back to the matter; suspicion, yeah, actually, I’m not blind. The days are evil and wickedness has encapsulated the hearts of men. We have serial killers, rapists, pedophiles, criminals, ritual killers and all you could name. Notwithstanding, you still got to know that love is the greatest. Perfect love drives away fear and irrational suspicion. Don’t be too uptight towards helping others or opening up to others. There are several benefits. In case you forgot, life itself is a risk so take that step now, get out of that shell. Stop living in fear of that previous harsh experience and be useful to yourself and humanity. 

So let’s start by meeting; “Hello my name is Nickz, what’s yours?”

Here’s the Mentos link: 

https://web.facebook.com/MENTOSNigeria/videos/150301375352155/

WHAT WILL HAPPEN TOMORROW? --by Slick

Photography: Slick

Thanks for continually following our posts. Please remember that your comments and suggestions are welcome. Enjoy!

It was a sunny Thursday afternoon and I was seated with my boss outside the office waiting for electricity to come on. We seized the opportunity to discuss about the poor state of the economy and the ever rising exchange rate. I could sense the annoyance in his tone, as he had been struggling for the past month to keep head above water in his business. The ordeals of a father eh!

“Can you imagine that a dollar now goes for N405?” He asked repeatedly. It was a question I didn’t have to answer, since he had the answers in a copy of The Punch Newspaper he had brought along to the office. I was just about to make my little contribution to the matters arising, when a sanitation truck arrived the neighbourhood to pick up the refuse that residents had heaped for a while.

Everyone hurried out with their bags of waste towards the truck, awaiting their turn for disposal. The opportunity to learn a new lesson had just presented itself. Therefore, I studied with keen interest, the activities at the disposal truck and observed that people had majorly disposed waste food items, old clothes, rags etc.

Despite the challenges that man had to face in his daily existence, he always found a way to feed and cover his nakedness; ugly or clean. Though some might argue that not everyone finds it easy to achieve these two important milestones, I guess it would be a question for Adam and Eve to answer.

Was it not the good book that held promises of God taking care of our needs? Making reference to the birds of the air that did not have to worry about their means of survival since their Creator was in charge.  As spiritual as this may sound, we all need to believe in something to motivate us for the life ahead. Back to the story I was telling!

I watched as these folks returned to their homes with empty waste bins, probably anticipating the next time these bags and containers that were used for collecting waste would be filled again. A man had just mistakenly emptied some of his waste on a woman’s dress, and World War 3 was about to ensue. As I was about to see the drama that was slowly unfolding, the electricity came on and we had to dash into the office for work. All I could hear was UP NEPA!

Don’t forget the message; no matter the state of the economy, refuse to worry about tomorrow. May God provide us with everything that we require to keep us happy and satisfied in the year 2016.

ARE YOU LIKE STELLA? --by Nickz

(Image source: www.nubianplanet.com)

Stella is very sad; she’s been that way for months. Last night, she soaked her pillow again with tears when she checked her result online and discovered she didn’t reach the cutoff point for Law. She is intelligent and had graduated as the best student from her secondary school but things have not been going well the past two years. The first time, she made it in JAMB and failed the post UME. This year, she has failed to meet expectation again. She has grown depressed and wouldn’t eat even after cooking; her room has become her solace and her bed, her cradle.

She cannot bear the shame of appearing in public; her choir role in church has been neglected. Surely, they will say, “Was she not the brightest?”, “With all her shagara and fancy English, she thought she was better than us that can’t afford big school.”  They’d secretly ridicule her. In spite her mother’s consolation and support, she still feels like a failure in life.

Why can’t things go well for me? Haven’t I laboured enough? Why’s my case worse than others’? Why can’t I make it like Ebuka, my classmate? Why can’t I be fortunate like Theresa my mate, who is now in her second year of study in Wyoming? These thoughts plagued her day and night and she had no rest of mind. Her plan was to finish Law School at 21, start practicing very early in life, build a successful career, be a voice for the oppressed, just like one of her role models, Barr. Mrs. Abidemi. The young and intellectual lady lawyer inspires her in every professional sense. Now she’s grown to 18, still struggling for admission. If only she has the grace of her mother who had finished school at a tender age, started working and got married at 24, then she wouldn’t have any cause to weep. Her plans to start a family early would be actualized and she would be a young professional with a happy home; the kind of home Omotola Kennedy, the renowned gospel artiste has. She could be a model to the next generation. All the successful people on her list pop up in her mind and she feels like a complete failure. She is hungry, angry, despaired and mortified.

But there are so many secrets not revealed to her. She has misconstrued actuality. She has a single mother who is caring and supportive but she’s blind to that. She has the brain and gift to try again but she lets depression and self comparison demolish her ego. She withdraws from services to the Supreme Being, fearing what people will say. She forgets the part in the good book that says all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose. She forgets the part that says, concerning the work of my hands, command ye me. She sinks into hopelessness. She wishes to be like others. She feels all that glitter is gold. She wants to make it like Ebuka but she doesn’t see behind the curtain how much his father had paid the registrar of his school to secure his son’s admission. She longs to study abroad like Theresa but it’s concealed from her that Theresa did not just travel for her studies but to also have adequate medical attention to battle her sickle cell anemia while schooling and she’s the only hope of her parents. Stella does not know this. She does not know that her own mother had lost her first pregnancy due to the stress of the bank job and loneliness when she got married early. Her husband, Stella’s father, was a field soldier and moved about often. He was not even present when she had the miscarriage, neither was he around when Stella was birthed. He was not around enough to comfort the hardworking woman and he did not live long enough to see her daughter’s first birthday. Stella only knows her mother is a strong and capable mother. She does not know the vulnerable widow still sobs at night. She doesn’t know she would have loved to feel the love of a husband and the cry of a new baby, she only sees her radiance and confidence.

She wants to be like Barr. Mrs. Abidemi because she is successful, unknown to her that the successful lady grew up an orphan, passed through abuses and several ugly things people should never hear, just to be where she is today. She craves for the ideal family of Omotola Kennedy who inspires through her music. She loves the way her husband and two boys support her ministry. But she doesn’t know the interviews she watches live on air and that in the pages of Celebrity Magazine were more of social bluffs. She doesn’t know that the first son had been expelled from the University for possessing cocaine and the parents are trying to keep it out of news. She doesn’t know that the husband sleeps outside marriage because he feels Omotola is giving more time to her music career. She doesn’t know. It doesn’t occur to her that the youths in her church that gossip her are jealous they can’t reach her so all they can do is gossip. She cannot summon strength to face life. She feels her load is the heaviest. She lives in regret and depression. She cannot withstand a little tremor. She feels an omelet can be made without breaking the eggshell, she sees the small thorns on the stem and not the red and beautiful rose flower petals. She sees the glass is half empty, instead of seeing it's half full.

I wish you could stop drowning in that situation that makes you perturbed. I wish you could see yourself as blessed and progressive. I wish you could stop envying others when you barely know their problems. I wish you could see how many people want to be where you are. I wish you could say thank you God for the good plans He has for you. I wish you have a beautiful week.

What’s your wish for us?

BEFORE YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT... --by Slick

(Image source: www.fanpop.com)

Before one sleeps at night, I would randomly guess that the average man either prays to what he or she believes in, listens to some music, reads a book or does something that helps to relax the mind before drifting away into the beautiful arms of sleep.

In contrast to this, there are many out there that are probably having fun, making love, prostituting or slaving themselves at night shifts in factories. This is the way my mind works when I am about to sleep; I simply think about what other people may be involved in at the same moment. Then all these strange faces and imaginary voices begin to find their way to my head. I imagine a bus driver consistently honking his horn at the driver in front of him who has refused to drive at the speed he expects or it is the voices of folks coming back from work crowded at a food joint, trying to get dinner because they are too tired to cook dinner when they get home.

A favourite one that comes into my head is that of the voices of those government officials that have been arrested by the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC). Crazy right?

“But oga you wicked o, only you thief 50 billion,” one of them would say.

“My friend shut up, what do you know about stealing money,” the accused would reply

“Anyways, you are only following the footsteps of your mentor Abacha.”

“My brother, even if I had two lifetimes, I can never beat his record.”

“Hahaha. But we go old for here sha o. This president na bastard.”

Then their voices would become faint. It feels like I was standing with them and listening to their conversation, but that’s imagination for you. It helps you see things from a different and fun perspective.

Even God must have imagined when He created the earth the first time with Adam and Eve in it. He brought His imagination into reality and Voila! Irrespective of what scientists may say, we are in the planet earth. And so we were made in God’s image and possess the power to imagine too. We also like God, can bring our imaginations to life only if we can choose to believe that it is possible.

We only need to choose our imaginations carefully amidst the swarm of things that come to mind or activities that cramp our daily lives. So ask yourself, what you would imagine and how you would bring them into reality just like your Heavenly father did. Just like every other person that nobody believed in had imagined and became the topic of gossip columns.

Please whatever you do, ensure that your biography is not a boring one. Let your biography give someone the necessary push to imagine and become a success.

I imagine that you are reading this now and smiling. Then it has become a reality that I wrote something that made you smile. But if you weren’t smiling, try reading tomorrow’s article.

I LIKE TO FORK ON THE BEACH --by Slick

(Image source: www.depop.com)

It was a Sunday and I must have slept with a lot of food in my stomach thus, waking up very late. I woke up and did my normal morning rituals before heading to church to feel God’s touch like never before. I was in luck because it was one of those days when you felt like the sermon being preached was meant for you. I and my heavenly Father had to have some serious talk.

The preacher had almost ended the sermon when a boy walked into the church. The usher close to him accompanied him to the seat just two rows in front of me, but there was something about him; not his saggy jeans, or his red eyes that looked like he had been staring into a car’s exhaust pipe, or the ear-ring in his left ear. Rather, it was the T-shirt he had on that had a weird inscription. Across the front of his T-shirt was inscribed, “I LIKE TO FORK ON THE BEACH”. Ehn??

I was just beginning to quiz myself on whether the guy knew the meaning of the message his T-shirt was conveying. Hypocrites would say, “God does not look at the outward appearance but the heart.” At least with the advent of social media and the ills of our generation, one could easily tell that the message on his T-shirt would refer to that thing that Mummy and Daddy always do in the dark or under the illumination of a red bulb. “Oga, why you go wear this kind shirt come church?” was the expression on my Vaseline coated face.

Then it got weird...

The preacher had just begun to dole out some prayer points and I saw this guy begin to speak in tongues of fire. I tried to pray but I had just lost the ginger. I imagined what would happen if this guy was supposed to convert someone into the faith wearing that T-shirt. No matter how spirit filled he may seem to appear, no one would take him seriously.

Just imagine yourself reciting John 3:16 to someone and on your shirt you had “I LIKE TO FORK ON THE BEACH”. Who would you be deceiving? It is a common saying that the way you are dressed dictates the way you are addressed. Although this saying is not limited to the clothes you wear, it goes a long way to tell us to put ourselves in check. Our lifestyle might just be the reason why someone out there gets better or worse. You do not want someone’s fate to hang on the negative side of the balance because he or she was trying to emulate what you portray.

It is no surprise why some churches and even other religious institutions frown at certain dress codes. I remember a particular service I attended where a lady that fell under the anointing happened to be wearing a skimpy gown. She was there sprawled on the floor with her slim legs spread apart. Forget oh! Men of God have blood flowing in them and not zobo. For a moment, it was possible for the preacher to be lost in thought of nasty things, all because the lady decided to wear her younger sister’s clothes to church. Well, the ushers ended up covering her with a wrapper so as to preserve her bride price.

Therefore, in my little way I would simply love to admonish us to dress better to places not only restricted to religious activities so as to encourage someone to do better with his or her life. Remember, you can be well clad and still be handsome, beautiful and sexy.

THE ROD--by Slick

PROVERBS 13:24

With reference to the title of this post, the good book [The Bible] says that ‘’He that spares the rod hates his child but one that loves his child is careful to discipline them’’. This particular verse in the Bible has become a source of nightmare for most children in this part of the world, as a result of the misinterpretation of this portion of the scripture by parents.

Nigerian parents have mostly revised Proverbs 13: 24 into the short form ‘’Spare the rod and spoil the child’’. But research on the internet for the spare the rod and spoil the child slogan has revealed that  it actually originated from the lines of a 17th Century poem written by Samuel Butler called ‘’Hudibras’’. The actual verse reads:

"What medicine else can cure the fits

Of lovers when they lose their wits?

Love is a boy by poets styled

Then spare the rod and spoil the child"

In the poem, a love affair is likened to a child, and spanking is mockingly commended as a way of making the love grow stronger. From this revelation, one can tell that this particular line of the poem is in no way related to the Proverbs 13:24. I do not want to stand in the position of a parent or preacher to teach anyone how to discipline their children whenever they go wrong, but some parents go too far when it comes to correcting their kids. Just because you want to send a message across to your child or children as the case may be for doing something wrong, it does not mean that we reach the point of almost killing them.

The belief in man-handling children is most common among people that are not very wealthy or less privileged. As a child you could get beaten or smacked on the ear for just any cause.  The worst scenario occurs if any of your parents has a bad temper. This induces fear in growing children and instead of actually giving you due respect as a parent, they are actually scared of you. This in turn strains the parents-children relationship because there is no honest communication between both parties.

I have listened to countless stories told by my friends about their parents’ horrific discipline pattern while growing up. We would laugh and almost fall off our seats, but it was not a funny thing back then. Things you hear make you think if these parents thought their children were terrorists. They meted out various types of punishments and had in their possession different objects of inflicting pain ranging from canes to belts, razor blades, fan belts, bamboo sticks etc—all for the single aim of correcting their children.

Parents without a job or that are constantly poor transfer their frustration onto their children anytime the opportunity arises. This trend has even made some children run away from home and in turn, engage in vices and whenever you are brave to confront a parent about the maltreatment of his child in the name of discipline, he tells you ‘’Spare the rod, and the rod and spoil the child’’. Like if their parents treated them that way, they would be alive to be parents that they are today. Even if they were treated in that manner, were their children supposed to become revenge victims? These are basic questions we should ask ourselves on our journey to becoming better parents.

This is not to say that we do not have children that are naturally obstinate and are found committing one offence just after being chastised for one, after all; the scriptures tells us that “Foolishness is in the heart of a child.” This leads us to reasonable measures of discipline for our children, so before you go ahead and kill your child, consider the following advice:

Child psychologists tell us that children have different learning patterns. Some learn by seeing, some by listening and some by physical contact. This is to say that what works for one may not necessarily work for the other. I might be endlessly flogging my child whereas, all he needs might be a heart to heart talk. Try a different approach or combine two or more approaches but to a reasonable extent. Learn not to inflict unnecessary injuries on your children in a bid to correct them; they may end up dead or doing worse to their own children. Control your temper.

Learn to be forgiving. The fact that you are an adult doesn’t make you impervious to making mistakes. When you break dishes in the kitchen, you do not go ahead to stab yourself or flog yourself till you have little or no air left in you. Jesus forgives you and expects the same from you, though you cannot completely rule out spanking.

Create rewards for good behaviour. Learn to appreciate your children with little gifts when they are of good behaviour. Help them understand that there is always a reward for good behaviour. Do not make it appear like it is a compulsory thing or expectation to be of good behaviour, but instead help them see the advantages and benefits that come with being of good behaviour. This would help strengthen the relationship between you and your children

Finally, learn to pray for your children if you really love them according to Proverbs 13:24. Prayer goes a long way in changing people for the better. Instead of lashing out with them with words and curses we may regret later, pray for them. Remember that the tongue is a very potent weapon.

Let us join the train to becoming better and loving parents. Stop killing your children. 

ATTITUDE: THE DOORWAY TO SUCCESS --by Rose

Attitude is our predisposition to act i­n a given way in a given situation. Our attitude to people can heighten our­ success or slow it down. Attitude could be a powerful tool or so­mething poisonous to our success story. Many celebrities as well as business ty­coons usually make reference to that person that connected them to thei­r miracle. I bet their helpers were attracted to their positive attitu­de.

How do you treat people? ­ Are you a nice person? Are you hospitable and humble? We must always treat people kindly, even­ the handicapped. The cab driver you’re being rude to could ­hold vital information that may be useful to your career. Even in the office, if you are disresp­ectful or proud, no matter how hardworking you are, your benefits could be limited for instance, in times of maybe little bonuses or scholarships or any­thing of that sort. You would not get firsthand information. Sometime­s you don’t even get to know about it till it’s over. That’s because others find it hard to relate with you.

Are people scared of you? Are they not relaxed a­round you? If people celebrate your absence, then ­you really need to reflect on your actions.­ A positive attitude to people can take ­you to great heights. You don’t know where your destiny helper wo­uld come from. A negative attitude has nothing good to­ offer you. So, develop a positive attitude today! Remember attitude can be your Power or ­Poison!

WHEN I MAKE MONEY...--by Rose

Many times I wonder how the world became the way it is; everything including interhuman relationship is being "monetized". The society adores money; we worship it, we pray for it and place our faith in it. Many are driven to make wealth for a variety of reasons, often irrational. 

"When I make money I will drive the best cars, will date the most beautiful women," I often hear people say.

Making money or paper chasing ain't a bad thing. Everybody likes money but the purpose behind our money­making plans should not be based on booze,women, revenge or showing­off.

Look around you, there are orphans, less­privileged people, handicaps, hawkers et cetera. While you are working hard, think of how you can use your money and impact positively on the society: this alone validates true success.

Also remember that success is not a measure of how much money you have but its a measure of how many lives you  have changed for the better.

Have a positive money-making plan today!

"POINT OF CORRECTION!" --by Rose

"Madam dis your food no sweet!" An angry student screamed across the restaurant. Personally, I would have been very embarrassed if someone told me that.
The manner or approach employed while correcting a person could make the person resent you, become rude to you or turn a new leaf.

Correcting a person especially, an adult in a strong manner in public or in the presence of people is not wise. I have observed especially during conversations when one makes a blunder, we are fast to chip in what we feel is right. "Oh it's not fefer, it's fever." A friend arrives cheerfully but you observe a part of her dress is torn! Oh, and her make up; it's not cool, yet you choose to correct the person in the presence of others. This is very wrong. Why don't you whisper, "Excuse me dear, let's sit over there. I wonna
tell you something."

Correcting someone loudly often wounds their
self esteem, shattering their confidence and pride in themselves.
Avoid embarrassing people in the name of correction.

HOW DO YOU GREET? --by Nickz

The Igbos say Otutuoma. The Hausas say Inakwana. The Yorubas say Ekaro. The Ibibios say Amesiere. Pardon me if I haven't included your language or tribe. We just wonna talk about greetings and salutations. 

As we all know, greeting is a very powerful communication medium. A new neighbour moves in next to you. Every morning he steps out and sees you, he says with a smile, "Good morning my friend!" Automatically, you'll begin to like the new face and probably wonna interact with him. 

I've once been greeted by a young girl, most likely in her late teens. She just mumbled the "Good morning" in such a low voice and with such an unhappy face I thought she was abusing me. Many times, we walk with straight faces, rushing to meet up our daily affairs, failing to notice that elderly person we ignored or the greeting a younger person said to us. Other times, we may remember to greet but we don't even look the person in the face, we just toss the saltless greeting into the air. The recipient may end up not knowing we had even said something thereby rightly assuming we're disrespectful. This kind of greeting is often noticed in young people when they try to act like "This greeting thing is not compulsory, afterall he doesn't feed me. Let me just greet before they say I didn't." In such cases, I'd say it's better they had walked silently past than to have parted their lips. 

There are other times that ego clash sets in where one person walks past another, both expecting the other to greet first. They end up not greeting each other. In some other cases, we can't greet people because that thing in us tells us, "I don't know him so what's my business with him?" Surprisingly, this so called unknown person is someone we come across everyday in our streets or workplaces. 

You don't have to become mental and keep saying "Good morning" or "Happy weekend" to every Tom, Dick and Harry you meet on your way. You just have to improve on your level of interacting with the people around you through greetings. You go to the bank, say a pleasant greeting to the teller. You may be amazed how she'll handle your needs with extra attention. It may not take much from us, just a drop of energy. Touch people positively with your greetings! One lav!

UNHEALTHY COMPETITION

The struggle for food, water, territory, power, women and life have been the way of man even before the caveman era therefore, competition­ is an inborn trait in man—the urge to outdo, to stand out from other­s. But when does competition become unhealthy? ­

The societies we live in extol wealth a­nd power above priceless virtues like patience and contentment. No wonder Bob Marley said, “Some people are so poor all they have is money.” W­e worship currency and cars; we are selfish and reserve our love for th­e rich and famous. The social media has exacerbated thi­s situation. One can easily relate with these flamboyant persons on Facebook or Whats­app especially Instagram and constantly follow the update of pictures of their cars­, awards, fabulous vacations and all that. When you see al­l these, you begin to feel less of a success, less of an achiever. You­ are plagued with feelings of inferiority. Sometimes, we make a deliberate effor­t or subconsciously begin to do everything possible to catch up or outdo these persons in a bid to be recognized.­

It doesn’t end there. Even in places of ­worship, people compete and wear the best of clothes to be in the gam­e. Mothers compare their kids with others, reinforcing the spirit of c­ompetition.

Unhealthy competition begins when yo­ur heart burns in envy of one’s success. Even when you accomplish a goal, you are never satisfied. You need someone to compete with; you want ­more. Unhealthy competition is wrong. It wil­l lead you to robbery, prostitution, just anything you can find­—even murder.

Have you ever asked yourself a ques­tion; why do I envy others? You do not know their dark sides, th­eir pains and heartaches and their frustrations. Maybe Showing off is a kind of outlet of whatever they are going through.­

Rid yourself of unhealthy competition, it takes your peace away. It distracts your foresight because you will always look back or b­eside for the "invisible" competitor. Appreciate your blessings and work hard to get better. STAY HEALTHY! ­

WHAT SHALL YE LISTEN TO?

One till today, would be full of surprise with respect to how the Music and Arts industry has greatly improved with notable collaborations between Nigerian artistes and their foreign counterparts which was in the past seen as an impossible feat. You and I are big fans of these microphone handlers, that’s why it’s no surprise to see how many of the works of these studio and camera rats (pun intended) fill our memory cards. At a point in my life, I used to walk the streets with ears plugged with headphones, reciting every word of the lyrics of these Harry Potters who use the microphone as their magic wand.

But then, let's come back home. Let's come back to the real essence of music—the real meaning of music, the reason why the great likes of Fela Anikulapo Kuti, Bob Marley, Lucky Dube and other late legends made music. Was it to show off the latest bling, the latest of cars, movie money or half-clothed females for less than five minutes in front of a camera? Was it an avenue to tell the world how your enemies do not want your progress or how many haters you had while growing up? Was it meant to tell how you are so much in love with a female's buttocks? The buttocks were created as avenue to pass out excreta as well as sitting. So if someone sings about the buttocks when it’s meant for those two aforementioned reasons, then I don't think that should be called music.

A dictionary I found lying carelessly in my room defines music as, "vocal or instrumental sounds (or both) combined in such a way as to produce beauty of form, harmony, and expression of emotion." After reading this statement, all I could mutter was "Well said but this doesn't happen again where I come from." Though I do not know about all the characteristics of music, I sure can say that music has a strong influence on our sense of reasoning and judgment. Most of us grew up trying to dress, talk and act like our favorite musician. We would buy books that contained the lyrics to popular songs at the expense of our lunch in school, since it was a thing of pride to be able to recite all the lyrics of a very popular song.

With the advent of technology from the developed parts of the world, music has become easier to make thereby making our musicians very complacent when it comes to time for business. I could swear that 70% of the musicians in Nigeria today cannot play an instrument. Someone reading this would scream "Gospel musicians in Nigeria can do it" but my question to you would be, "Have you ever seen your favorite gospel musician play an instrument in the studio?" Whether secular or gospel music, you should be able to play an instrument comfortably well.

You weigh the lyrical content of some popular songs these days and you just weep on behalf of artistes that continuously give their sweat, tears and blood in order to pass a positive message. Bob Marley wrote a song encouraging women and giving them reasons why they shouldn't cry. Fela Anikulapo Kuti would consistently take shots at the Government of the day for not treating the masses in a right manner as well as embezzling public funds for personal use, just like Mayweather beating the hell out of Pacquiao. They at most times got into trouble for their mode of emotional expressions but the world celebrates their achievements anytime their songs are played on radio.

But what could be responsible for this sudden decline in the quality of the music we listen to today. They are as follows:

1. What The People Want: You and I have indicated severally and unconsciously the kind of music we want to listen to. I mean who has the time to listen to sensible and positive message filled songs when all we bob our heads to are songs that worship the buttocks of a woman and how much we want a taste of her flowers. We aren't even interested in you writing meaningful lyrics as far as the beat of the song has a danceable tune.

2. Education:  The likes of Terry G, Wizkid et al can get away with singing with words that sometimes do not even exist anywhere in English or Pidgin language. Music is supposed to be an educative tool, improve your vocabulary while at the same time teaching the listener something new. But then some of the people hardly ever go to school or never complete their education. That is why; you see some of our entertainers find it difficult to hold a normal conversation or interview without speaking vernacular. Tell me what you expect to learn from someone that has learned next to nothing.

3. Fame: A popular Nigerian rapper dropped a song titled “Popular” where he expressed his views on the sacrifices one has to make to be popular. Most of the artistes we have today are primarily interested in becoming very famous, and not actually giving us food for thought. Our Gospel artistes are not spared either as they are fond of remixing old songs and trying to make hits. I remember one that practically remixed that popular song we sang as kids when we wanted to eat in school “SOME HAVE FOOD, BUT CANNOT EAT”. I stared at him while he sang this song with so much sympathy, and I concluded that he just didn’t have what to sing.

In Summary, I am trying to tell you that we can revive our music life. Choose wisely what you listen to. Get tired of listening to AjupapaJupapaju or Kporokotom ton kom music, or music that worships a woman’s beauty or buttocks so that tomorrow, our younger ones do not follow in their shoes. Music telling you how many bottles of alcohol the singer bought and how ladies surrounded and flock around him because he has money to throw away does not pass any meaningful message. Let’s listen to music that lifts the mind, music that encourages and inspires you (secular or gospel). Let’s chase bad music out of the market and promote music that develops over time into an evergreen history. 

THE LITTLE THINGS --by Nickz

They say this is the Computer Age. To hell with computers! This is the Selfish Age. This is the I-don’t-give-a-shit Age. This is the What’s-in-it-for-me Age.

I’m not an angel, I don’t even have an idea how they look like but I can’t help not getting pissed by the modern day attitude of most young people. First of all, the young people expect everyone to be sending money into their accounts—mom, dad, aunts, uncles, big friends, relationship partners etc and all they give back is nothing or a flimsy thank you. During holiday or weekend visits to relatives, they only seek to get fantastic comfort and the usual take-this-for-your-transport gift. The idea of washing the dirty plates in the sink or the dusty car parked outside does not cross the mind.

Why do we like to receive but barely give out? What’s your excuse? Okay, you’re a student and you’re unemployed. Come on! It’s not always about money pal. Being a student doesn’t stop you from helping that old woman cross a busy road. When last did you send your mom a text telling her how beautiful she is and how much she means to you? Don’t you know that a simple phone call can bless the health of that aged and lonely uncle of yours?

It is so hard for you to click the ‘like’ icon or comment on a sister’s beautiful post because you feel she’s not in your class. You make it a habit to ignore things that are important to others. I was almost heart broken when a friend of mine recently contested for a competition that required online votes to step up his position. Out of the hundreds of ‘friends’ he had on Facebook, less than fifty (50) gave their votes. I asked myself, if these people can’t tap an icon for a friend’s progress, what will happen if he asks for a pint of blood on his dying bed?

Pride and selfishness is doing more harm than good to relationships so what’s the point feeling too proud to show some love when you have nothing to lose? We all will end up in the same mud, six feet down, just so you know.

So what’s it gonna be then? Get out of your shell and do something sweet for someone—maybe one or two persons or more—just do something out of your regular way. Surprise someone and don’t expect anything back. It could be a good deed or a lovely gift but let it benefit the recipient. You can start by sending recharge card to this number: 08036835694.*winks*

JUST A SETBACK --by Kreed

The Encarta dictionary defines a setback as, “Something that delays progress,” but once you let go and choose to give up, then you fall short of what is required, which is failure…. “Something less than that required,” according to Encarta.

It was sometime in July, the earth’s surface was battered by the tears from heaven—the rain, one of nature’s greatest gift to man. However, something was different about that day. No, it wasn’t the first time it had rained and neither was it the heaviest it had poured in the month but there was something different about that particular day. Under a certain palm tree, there sat a man, soaked both by his tears and Nature’s. He had lost again, it was the fifth tender submitted that month and it was the fifth tender rejected that month. He had gone close, he did everything right but he still lost it.

As much as we may wish against it, setback is just one of the constant things in life. Sometimes, the things we wish for in life, doesn’t manifests as we had hoped. Sometimes, we get results that are not a reflection of the efforts we’ve made. Sometimes, we get close to achieving our goals, only to miss out completely. Life has a way of throwing unwanted results to our path. Sometimes, a setback is what one needs, to get to the next level in life.

Serving GOD does not exempt you from facing trials, as tough times brew tough minds. A setback could be God’s way of preparing you for something greater. No matter how gloomy things may seem at the moment, always remember that at the end of every tunnel, there is always light. Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “If you can’t run, walk. If you can’t walk, crawl. By all means necessary, keep moving.” Don’t sit back at that dark tunnel; keep moving till you see your light. Keep trying again and again and again and again, till you achieve your goals.

It is never too late, once you have decided to try again, once you have decided to get back up, once you keep your focus on the goal, regardless of the frustrations you had faced or probably will face again, nothing can stop you. Achieving your goals can only be impossible, if you believe it is. What people say or think is not half as important as what you say or think. Your mind is your greatest asset; don’t lose it to fear, negativity or comments from individuals with parochial mind-sets.

Maybe you’re reading this and you’re probably saying, “It’s easier said than done, you wouldn’t be writing this if you’re in the mess I am in now.” Yes, maybe I’ll never understand your frustrations or hurts. Maybe I’ll never know the battle you’re facing but there is someone who does know what you’re going through at the moment. In one of the portions of His book, it says “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that you are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to escape.” That’s where I find my own strength every time I come up short…1 Corinthians 10:13.

I know how it feels to fail; I know how it feels to expect so much, only to get nothing in the end. But everything that happens is for the good of man and to the glory of GOD. For every disappointed, there is always a blessing; for every mistake, there is always a lesson. Stop feeling disheartened and hopeless, life never gives us what we want; we only make the most of what we have.

Dwelling on your setbacks only breeds a bitter spirit, which eventually causes you to lose focus of what’s important. Never let past events get the most of you, they’re a lot of great men and women who suffered more but persisted in their quest for success and eventually prevailed. They include the likes of Joseph, Muhammadu Buhari, Colonel Sanders, Thomas Edison, etc. Use that setback to motivate yourself. A friend once told me, “For every setback, there must be a comeback.” Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through CHRIST which strengthened me”. Believe in GOD at all times, for HE is more than capable of turning things around. Let go of that past setback, rather, believe in GOD and give it another shot. I know HE’s right in front you with an outstretched arm, telling you to get up, believe and try again.