THAT AWKWARD MOMENT IN THE EMPLOYER'S OFFICE --by Nickz

comohacerpara.com

The secretary comes out from the corridor and tells me, “The MD is ready to see you. Please come”

Within seconds we’re standing by the door with a bold tag: Managing Director. The secretary knocks and opens. She ushers me in, closes the door and vanishes.  I am in the big office now. I see the MD seated on his executive chair, busy with his computer. He makes a gesture for me to take a seat, still not looking up. Two other company staff are also in his office, seated on the sofa. Everybody is waiting for Oga to break the silence. Oga clears his throat and looks up. He isn’t looking very happy.

MD: Mr. Ayekponor Mbamba…we’re about to have a very long talk. But before that, let me educate you on some vitals. This company, as you know, is a multinational establishment that has been in existence long before you started your nursery education. We have core values that have kept us this far, one of which is staff integrity. We are very particular about the kind of people we hire. I’ve gone through your CV; it’s well written and satisfactory for a CV. But we go further than mere CV. They’re some areas which we’re interested in which the CV cannot elaborate. I had set up a committee to look into your Facebook affairs and see what they can find out about you. I personally was part of that committee. That’s where we have a lot to talk from. Let me start by asking: why do you choose Nickz Mb as your username?

I forgive him for murdering my name. I had suspected this Facebook thing would happen sooner or later. I know it’s part of the modern methods employers use now. I take a deep breath and exhale slowly.

Me: First of all Sir, I commend your company for its high standards towards employee integrity. It’s uncommon. Secondly, I thank you for giving me the opportunity to respond to your findings one on one. I appreciate. Nickz Mb is my username because it’s shorter and more convenient for friends to find me. It eases the spelling errors in my name while friends search for me to add. Also, several people outside Facebook know me as Nickz. Nevertheless, people who search for me with my formal name will still find me because I set my account that way. So, I choose Nickz Mb to ease connect and communication.

MD adjusts his reading glasses and asks the next question. I barely can tell if he’s satisfied with my response or not. That puts me a little on edge.

MD: What does Facebook mean to you?

Me: I see Facebook as an interesting and interactive social platform, a community of its own with so much variety; an avenue for entertainment and information.

MD: I have gone through most of your posts here. It’s majorly humour. Why would I not rate you as an unserious person?

This is the part that I have to brace myself for. I knew it would come. You can do this, I tell myself

Me: Sir, I’m afraid to say, but I don’t see humour and unseriousness being synonymous. Anyone who rates me unserious from Facebook would be incorrect. If anyone thinks so, I would quickly point him to look at my consistency, my originality, the content diversity and the progressively expanding audience. It would only mean that I show seriousness in being unserious, which means I am a serious and creative individual.

My posts reflect more than humour. I look into the society, education experience, relationships, and try to draw something from them which people can cheerfully relate to and feel excited about. Besides, some of my posts are moralistic write-ups, encouraging good morals. Also, the quality of posts I drop helps me draw audience to our blog, which is a serious business Sir.

The MD looks at me keenly, puts on his glasses and slowly leans back on his chair. He motions to one of the senior staff to take over. One of the staff on the sofa begins.

Staff 1: I am Oyedele Bolaji. I head Personnel Department. Just like the MD told you, this company is particular about staff integrity and performance capacity. Let me ask you this: do you think you create a positive impact on people reading your posts?

Me: Yes, I do Sir. My posts are mainly directed to the young people who form majority of friends on my list. Many times, I receive private and public commendations for my posts. It makes me happy to know I can reach out to people and make them laugh or have something to say, in spite the present challenges these young people are experiencing, especially the graduates. I try as much as possible to screen out every form of abusiveness, ethnic intolerance, violence promotion and any other form of offensive contents.

Staff 1: Have you benefited from Facebook in any way?

Me: In more ways than I can tell Sir. Firstly, it has improved my writing and communication skills and my self confidence. Also, I’ve been able to build friendship with some relevant people that I wouldn’t have the privilege to walk into their offices or meet in their high places. I’ve made good friends—young and elderly—who have supported me in many ways. Also, like I said, Facebook brings audience to our blog, so those are the benefits.

Staff 1 takes down some notes and then nods at the other staff seated beside him to take over. The MD is busy with his computer, looking as nonchalant as a gambler. Staff 2 takes over.

Staff 2: Young man, I’ve heard what you’ve said but I will ask you two important questions: you studied mechanical engineering but all your posts have nothing to do with engineering. How does that reflect that you are passionate about engineering?

Me: I see Facebook as a platform that brings people of diverse professions together to socialize and promote their involvements. I don’t see Facebook as a professional platform so I create contents that cut across professions, touching people individually, not professionally. I am devoted to engineering and I belong to other platforms where we share professional knowledge.

Staff 2: If you were employed here, how do you think your Facebook experience would add to the progress of this company?

Me: When I am employed here (yes, when), I’ll channel my commitment to the goals and values of this establishment. If I could invest such work into social media profile and gain relative significance, how much more a place that the passion of my profession looks up to? I am a good team player and with the excellent minds here, we can achieve higher excellence.

The MD looks up from his screen and takes over.

MD: Alright gentlemen, that will be all the questions. Thank you for your time, Mr. Mbambam. Please wait outside briefly. We’ll call you when we’re ready.

****

Dear Reader,

The above session of interaction is purely a work of fiction and has no reference to any person or place in existence. However, if you were the MD and called me inside again, what would you say as your final decision?

 By the way, add me up on Facebook. The name remains Nickz Mb

GO FOR IT! --by Kreed

http://www.ie.edu

“And this ain't no place for the weary kind

This ain't no place to lose your mind

This ain't no place to fall behind

Pick up your crazy heart and give it one more try”

Earlier this week, I had recalled that sometime in 2009, I had watched the making of the movie 'Crazy at Heart' and I had fallen in love with their soundtrack. But I wasn’t in possession of a ‘good phone’ then, if you know what I mean. So early last month after almost 8 years, I finally downloaded the track. The above lines are the chorus of the track and I must admit, I didn’t expect it to be so lyrically ‘charged up’. The song was on replay for the first 2 weeks after it was downloaded but just like the others, everything often comes to an end. And oh, there is the other group that believe they are not yet ready, that they need to hit the gym for a full year before they can muster a mustard seed size courage to stare the obstacles between them and their goals in the face, procrastinating for a living and not actually living.

Everybody wants to be successful but only few are willing to get up every morning to work towards their dreams. If you ask at random, 100 people you come across what they want in life, majority of them will you ‘They want to be successful’. If you probe them further however, majority actually have no plan on how to get there. Somehow they believe it's spontaneous, not planned. Not a result of consistent actions, just some stroke of luck or something.

 Many people are eager to start up projects but very few have a ‘why’ for starting the project. Most shiver at the thoughts of the challenge, while others give up as a result of some imaginary fear their minds cook up.

Anyway, before I expend all my points in the intro, I'll just list below the few things one must do, if he or she is to get anywhere near his/her dreams. I know you've come across several tips like this but add this to your knowledge box.


SET GOALS
It’s definitive not ambiguous. I want a car, is different from I want a G-wagon. The former is some random statement, everybody says that. It could be a Peugeot 504, Volkswagen ‘beetle’ (old model) etc. It could be any car. The later however, is specific. You must not be scared to declare the kind of things you want. EVEN THE BIBLE SPEAKS OF THE POWER OF THE TONGUE. Positive words always attract positive vibes. So don't be scared to say what you really want. Don't look at your present situation. I had not wanted to make this religious in anyway but if I didn't, I would be a big fat wolf. Faith is a key. You must be able to see your tomorrow; you must be able to see beyond your nose (i.e. look past the challenges of today). I always prefer to see my challenges as mere mirage or illusion, just serving to distract me from seeing the real thing. So goals are the most important. It is the first step. You can't set targets if you don't have them. You need to have goals.

BE BOLD
Enter Action with Boldness: that's one of the laws in the book '48 Laws of Power'. Truth is, if you're not going to give your all, then don't start it at all. If you have no intent of winning it, then don’t compete at all. Don't be afraid. Some of us are too timid and often end up doing less than we actually desired to. Half-baked effort–in my opinion–is worse than no effort. 'Anything that is worth doing is worth overdoing'. Don't be fearful as to what the future holds. Rather be excited by the prospects of your dreams. Remember, you have to see beyond your nose. See what the world hasn't. Now you know why you need goals. Without it, it is almost impossible to have any form of focus.

Don't be fearful of who you'll offend either. Sometimes what you mistake as compassion or respect, is in reality, fear. Learn to look at the world with dispassionate eyes. DON'T JUDGE WITH YOUR EMOTIONS, people will play you and exploit you. Learn to rule your life with your head and not your heart. Don't accept everything that is given or offered. By that, I mean don't settle for less. Sometimes you have to be bold enough to say NO. This is especially important when negotiating business deals. Nobody is a friend at the table of negotiations, everyone has a vested interest. Don't try to please people at your own detriment. Don't be scared of what people will think of you. Regardless of what you do, people will still have an opinion about you, that's the truth.

BE CONSISTENT
Call me a hypocrite for all I care but I'll still say it: If you lack consistency, trust me, you'll only produce sporadic feats. Trust me; you need to be consistent in your pursuit. You need to channel your desires and passion fiercely into the pursuit of your goals. How bad do you want it? How bad do you want to win it? Then this is not the time to rest. Keep pushing till you achieve that goal. There will be time for rest but not just now. As long as you have not reached that goal, don't be contented with the progress, yes be very grateful but don't be contented till you have reached the destination–the goal.

Don't sleep. No, don't wait till tomorrow and hell no, you won't do it later. Do it now, yes, now. Clear off those tasks on your task list and then you can party for the rest of your life (no actually, just that day). Don't save the difficult ones for later, start your day with them. Procrastination is the greatest enemy of consistency. So don't fall a prey to its subtle tricks.
You can have goals, you can be bold but if you're not consistent, it's a damn waste.

DON'T PROCRASTINATE:

There should be a life sentence for those who do this (though I’d be in the prison if there was one). This is likened to what hawks are to chickens: a dreaded nightmare. I will do it tomorro....shhhhh, don't even say that, if it can be done today, then do it today. Tomorrow is pregnant with its activities already.

Don't complain that the day ends too fast, you just don't discipline yourself. God gave us 24hours for a reason. If it was too short He would have increased it. If it was too long, He would have reduced it. So don't complain that you don't have enough time. You need to discipline yourself.

LEARN TO PERSEVERE
This is the last, not the least but the bitter truth. If you think this journey will be a smooth sail, then you're a joker. It won't be. This will push you to your limits but don't shiver, because when you're against the wall, that's when you're most creative. So, don't pray for a smooth ride because there won't be one. The bible says 'No weapon fashioned against you shall prosper'. It didn't say no weapon will be fashioned against you. It is through this challenges that we become better. Trust me, if there was another way, every one would have met their goals. This trip isn't for everybody, so you can just step aside and be ordinary–stay in your comfort zone. But if you want to be more, then here is the truth many people don't know, "Eventually, the storm always comes to an end. Eventually, the clouds run out of rain". So don't turn away from this challenge. Run towards it! Oh, I almost forgot: when all seems lost, God will always meet you the point of your need.

Personally, I'm yet to achieve most of my goals and I'm probably still unknown so, I may seem not to be the Michael Jordan for the basketball lectures. However, in my defense, I know I will get there. It's just a matter of when. So, why should I wait or procrastinate till then? If I do, maybe Dangote or Elon Musk, will have a similar idea and write a piece as good as this before me. By the way, that's what happens when you wait 'till you're ready'. Someone else does it before you and sometimes even better. It is time to stop wishing. It is time to start acting. So don't wait for your dreams...Go for it!

BEYOND WORDS --by Kreed

Image source: getbellhop.com

There we were, gathered before the Supreme Being. It had become a perfunctory activity, every Sunday. It was like a convention of sinners; ungrateful and unrepentant ones, as always. A bunch of hypocrites most of us were.

“‘Love your neighbour as yourself’, Master says it is the greatest commandment.” The Preacher cried out, with his arms outstretched, as if he was reaching for our ears so he could drag them. The message reverberated across the hall. It always did, for neither was that the first time those words were preached nor was it the first hall it had been preached in. But on this occasion as in every other, it didn't sink into our hearts. We chewed the words and spat it as soon as it got in.

Love is probably one of the most used words and also the least expressed. This word has mostly ever been said but hardly ever been applied, abused and misused in the end, preached as a noun but never practiced as a verb.
While we speak of Love, our actions are devoid of it and our thoughts are either villainous or vile.

Our society is experiencing a serious rot and the number of churches is growing at a geometric rate. Unfortunately, that is not reflecting in our Society. The rate of the impact of these Churches on the lives of many is rather retarded. People don't even talk about Jesus anymore...just their church and their 'Daddy'. Pastors on the other hand are more concerned about building mega churches. It is suddenly beginning to feel like they are all in some sort of competition.

We pay so much in tithe and offering, which is not a bad thing but how often do we come to the aid of those who are in need of our assistance? Yes 'Daddy' will give you a hundred and one reasons why you must tithe but does he talk about
1) the patients in the hospital who need to offset their medical bill?
2) you to assist that family that can hardly afford one square meal?

Or are you going to tell me that those that flock to service every Sunday come from Mars? Are they not human beings in Nigeria here? We have too many passive Christians than active ones. Hell, I know more non-believers who practice the greatest commandment (Loving your neighbours as you love yourself), even more than regular church goers (I won't call them Christians). Let's stop practicing it on Sundays and within the walls of the Church, Christianity is much more than that. It is beyond words, it is beyond pretence, it is beyond the show off we do every Sunday. Are you the same person you pretend to be on Sundays, when your church members are not around you? Is it man you should try to impress or God?

Every Tom, Dick and Hypocrite is suddenly challenging the words of the Bible. We are so eager to manipulate the words to suit our desires but the Bible is real simple. Even with instructions for those who seek to understand the words therein. Love your neighbour as yourself, it is not rocket science. You don't need to know the whole dictionary to comprehend this simple but important commandment. So many of us are spending time interpreting the scriptures, whether wrongly or rightly, but only few are practicing it.

THERE'S ALWAYS A STORY -- by Kreed

Image source: www.footage.framepool.com

The cock crowed; an ancient cue of a new dawn. I had been awake even before the rooster. I laid lifeless, just gazing at the ceiling. Pen in my hand, short of inspiration. Then an idea came so I got up from bed and went to the wardrobe. It was a very beautiful piece of furniture. All the details—the protrusions and intrusions, the colours and the way it complimented the other items in the room, the attention given to it by the carpenter—lend credence to its beauty. But just like everything made by man, it deteriorates and in the case of this beauty, the termites were beginning to infest.

I picked out something to wear. I pulled it on and stepped out of the building. I was going for a stroll in the neighbourhood. The thought of the long stretch was discouraging but I was taught to see beyond my nose. The air felt different from what I inhaled inside; it felt lighter, more natural. It was a bit windy but I felt no cold. The grasses were covered with dust, looking pale, begging for precipitation. Just then, I noticed some movement; it was a caterpillar. I had almost stepped on it; I almost ended the cycle of another just when it came close to reaching its heights. I became more cautious. I watched as it crawled across the untarred dusty road like an old locomotive. An ugly, tardy creature it was today but a beauty on wings it was destined to become.

I passed by a string of shops. This used to be the hub of the street. It was like our barbershop but time; it happens to everything. I moved further. To my right was a boutique, just opposite the deserted highway. It was where I used to purchase my clothes. But I heard he had moved. Bigger shop, higher price tag beyond my means, then I felt a pint of pain. I hadn't progressed much, I thought but then he began this race before me. I quickly comforted myself.
I turned back. I needed to head home but then I asked myself: what was the essence? Why wake up and then decide to stroll? It was simple: inspiration—I needed inspiration.

You see, it is funny how when you pick up your pen to write, you suddenly run short of words. You suddenly feel deserted by your creative spirit. But all around us, there is always a story. From that piece of furniture to the array of shops, there is always something you can write about. Life is an accumulation of small events. Those events are all stories. Ideas are never in short supply but words, same can't be said of words.

PRIMARY PERCEPTION IS DECEPTIVE --by Nickz

Image source: www.jonlieffmd.com

A fraction of every man’s grey matter somehow, has created a virtual folder of expectations so that the resonance of certain words or the sight of a specific substance triggers this folder containing the attributive expectations. It’s psychological; it’s the way we have been wired. To an ice-cream lover, a mere mention of ice-cream sets his mouth watery, evoking a mental picturesque and a craving for one. To a young dude who is perusing through movies on the shelf of a movie store, a movie titled “The Battle Line” would trigger an imagination of warfare and jaw-breaking heroism (assuming there was no graphics preview). Surprisingly, such an expectation may be dashed on the rocks if the predicted warfare movie turned out to be a high school break dance competition.

Just like the ice-cream and movies store illustrations, we apply the same form of assessment to a wide range of things including fellow humans. Keep following me and it will become clearer. Certain qualifications and tags tend to influence our primary perception of the tagged. For instance, when someone is introduced as “an academic doctor,” in a meeting of “academically average” people, something in the brain gives the picture that such a person is highly endowed with wisdom to handle whatever purpose the meeting was scheduled for. Incidentally, the impression of his tag could command his being appointed as the chairman or a figure in the meeting or planning. Unfortunately, this so much “hoped on” epitome of knowledge may turn out to be unsuitable for the particular role of spear-heading the affairs of the gathering.

In another setting, someone may be tagged an illiterate. This word is usually a heavy connotation. It creates an impression of the absence of academic qualification, very low level of societal exposure and of course, financial limitation. (The tagged, in the true sense, may be educated just to the apex of primary or secondary stratum and may have a relatively small level of social exposure. This may make people who feel they are well educated to label them with such a slanderous name.)

As it is, this piece will not delve into the morals behind negative tagging or labeling since it has a primary focus already which is to condemn the falsifying effects of primary perception. Primary perception—a term I coined myself, which I will try to define as simple as possible— is a mind picture or imagination which is triggered by words used to describe or name a particular item or person. It is similar to what we popularly call “first time impression”. Tagging someone the description, “market seller” is likely to paint a mind picture of a  person  who is poorly dressed, dirty, bad mannered and noisy. Labeling someone an illiterate (which so many times, we use it wrongly) will automatically paint the picture of an uncivilized and highly primitive person who has no impressive reasoning ability etc. Similarly, tagging someone a graduate (and probably attaching the name of a prominent university) will create a picture of a sound-minded fellow who is eloquent in speech, well-mannered and has a good sense of organization. Calling someone a Minister of God paints a grand picture of a gentleman that commands maximum reverence. In the actual sense, these individuals may just be opposite of what their tags portray.

Like earlier mentioned, it is natural to picture things this way as our brains are wired so. But this is when wisdom should be employed. It is insufficient to give a verdict based on primary perception. It is unwise to segregate one’s self from another, merely because of proliferating rumors that the person is a harlot. It is unwise to sideline people from taking active roles in a function or program on grounds that they do not have university education. It does not suffice to start drawing up the “he is evil” perception after discovering that your next door neighbour is an atheist. This primary mental perception has gone miles in causing dents to reputations and undermining/over-rating personal abilities. So many people we downgrade and steer away from based on the labels they carry or that are given to them are actually better than the perception we have of them. I’ve seen university graduates who cannot correctly read two out of four sentences. I’m sorry to say this but back in school, there were a couple of people I deliberately did not want to be seen with as their level of self presentation (grammar, dressing and conduct) and academic commitment was terribly disheartening. Unfortunately, they are in the society today, with the tags “graduates”. I’ve also come across a very outspoken and intelligent young fellow who does not have up to university qualification but is excellent in planning and coordinating events. I usually seek her guidance many times the occasion demands. This is one in many.

What am I emphasizing? Do not judge a book by its cover. Learn to observe for yourself. Discover the potentials and abilities in people. Don’t be blinded by the tags they’re given or they carry. Even the ones with applaudable tags may not be suitable for that role. Again, primary mental perception could be deceptive, don’t judge a book by its cover.

ZIP THE HECK UP! --by Nickz

Image source: http://lifehacks.stackexchange.com

Over the period, I have noticed many people tend to confide their life experiences in me. They naturally share stories of what they’re passing through. Sometimes, you hear the joy and jubilation in their tones, other times, you hear the bitterness and tears as they flow, and can’t help but wonder why some humans would make life unbearable for others. Knowing these about them helps in some way to clarify misconceptions as many ignorant outsiders may perceive the victim as the victimizer.

Today, I’ll share a true story of a nineteen year old girl I know. For the sake of anonymity, let’s call her Vivian. A year ago, Vivian finished her secondary education and ever since, has been staying at home, hoping to re-take the WASSCE for better results and gain university admission. Vivian has a mom and she lives with her. Her mom has two other young female kids—about 8 and 6—from her second marriage, as her first marriage which produced Vivian had failed. So, Vivian is a big sister, taking care of her step-sisters and trying to meet mom’s expectations. I’ll shade more light on the expectations but before that, let me say some things about Vivian or the things I know about her: she’s tall and light skinned, slender but not skinny, hard-working and to a good extent, respectful. I’d comfortably call her a good girl. Sometime ago, she told me she wants to leave home without her mother’s knowledge. I asked her what the matter was. She started sharing some of the battles she’s been going through in the hands of her mom. Her mom was always abusing and cursing her in spite all the efforts she’s been making to assist her in the house and take care of the younger ones. She said she couldn’t have rest of mind in the house because her mom was also comparing her to one of her neighbour’s child; a loose young girl who brings money and food items home from “runs”. She said Vivian had not brought anything good into the house but was always eating her food and hanging out with a broke boyfriend. This was not happening for a day or two months, but for a long while and it affected the teenage girl emotionally to the point that she actually executed her get away plan. It was on a Sunday when her mom and siblings left to church. She packed her bags and sneaked out to another state where she stayed with a relation on the low.

On realizing this, the mom made sure all the neighbours knew her daughter was a bad girl as she went about telling everyone that the child she’s been feeding and accommodating had the guts to flee from home. Some got the impression and said the young girl was foolish and disrespectful to do so. A concerned neighbour even suggested she made a report to the police.

To cut the long story short, after some months, Vivian later came back from the other state, down to her home state but was later hiding with her boyfriend. The mother was making investigations all along and when she found out, she ordered for the arrest of the guy (though he was shortly released) and for Vivian to be staying with one of her aunties within town.

Another case is that of a twenty year old female friend. Her dad had left the marriage without caring about how the kids fared and as if that wasn’t enough, she lost her mother who was their closest umbrella. Oftentimes, she’s full of bitterness and grief. She keeps asking why her father would be so heartless. Her job at a pharmacy is barely taking care of her transportation needs, not to mention feeding, taking care of her siblings and saving for her academic plans.

I also know another, twenty three years old, she hates the mention of her father because of the way he abandoned them right from childhood. He lives a rich and successful life but has not for once sent money for her fees in the university or provide any other financial care. She shed tears when she told me this and also said she initially was nursing revenge on him. Luckily for her, her mom’s new husband became the loving father she lacked for years.

Sometimes, I don’t blame young people for the unchaste path they later chose in life or the things they later do. They have to survive by any means available. This problem traces back to the micro-unit of the society: the family. Sometimes, I run out of condoling words and advice while listening to the storms people are forging through because of a mismanaged family. It would have made more sense if some men didn’t zip down and some women kept their legs closed. It hurts when a child comes into the world only to find life a miserable journey because the people that caused his/her arrival have refused to play their proper roles in the child’s life.

Dear potential parents and existing parents, you’re responsible for the child you bring into the world. Your responsibilities include loving and providing the basic needs of this child till the child is strong enough to be independent. I do not support divorce but even if that happens, transferring revenge or whatever punishment from your ex-spouse to your kids is insane. Bringing up a child is quite demanding and you can’t delve into it unreadily because of few minutes of pleasure.  Ladies, do humanity a favour by closing your legs and men, zip the heck up if you can't control the outcome. Stop making kids only to hate them or else one day pretty soon, you’ll sleep and don’t wake up again and kids will be giggling while peeing on your tombstone because you were full of sh*t while alive. Okay, that was mild. I mean to say you’ll wake up one day to find your genital replaced by an oak tree. Yes, an oak tree. Let the society worry about more uncontrollable situations like earthquakes and tsunamis and not about the menace from your irresponsibility.

WHEN SHE SAYS "NO" --by Kreed

Image source: http://thequotesgarden.blogspot.com.ng

The first morning is always the hardest. Wishing you never woke, wishing the night never ended, wishing your life came with a huge eraser. You don't know what to look forward to. The hurt is one feeling I can't describe. It's like your mind just goes numb. You don't feel anything but then you feel like you've lost it all. The one prediction you'll never get, is when it all ends, like when do you finally slip out of this feeling?
           It feels like a merry-go-round. Like you keep cycling round, only to get back to the place you started. It is never all gloom, as there are few moments of happiness that overwhelms your heart but the moment you begin to feel like you're free, that's when you slip back in. Just like a patient with bi-polar disorder. The first day, is always the hardest.
All you want to do is sleep because it is the only remedy that seems to work. Only unfortunate thing is when you wake, it'll still be starring you in the face—the one memory you wish your brain never remembered. She said “no”. “Where do I go from here?” This one question always recurs in your head. 

THERAPY 
There are many remedies but no specific remedy, as it's all relative to the individual—different strokes for different folks. But as I pen this, I'd probably say when it comes to this issue, I have a huge wealth of experience, unfortunately for me but not for you. To be honest, I’ve never gotten a positive response in most of my attempts but that's cool, shit happens. Okay, back to you. I know how you feel, like you're all messed up at the moment. Nothing seems to make sense. At this point, everything happening in your life seems to be negative even when it isn't. But don't fret, by the time you're done reading this, it'll feel like a mountain has been lifted from your heart. No this is not one of those promos where you'll be told to pay a certain sum of money after all the hype, and no it isn't a piece that will turn you to a Casanova or something (like seriously, it is the last thing this article will teach you). I've been there and it's not the best feeling in the world. However, I want you to take solace in one thing; you're alive. You have a beautiful future ahead, don't let this destroy that.

I'll just write certain tips that should help you out of your quagmire (I really hope it does).

1) Forgive: This is the most vital step. As a matter of fact, if you ignore the other steps, don't ignore this one. Holding onto something this hefty, will only weigh you down and no one else. Keep calm, re-access the situation and don't hold any grudge. Regardless of how she said it, just forgive and move on. 

2) Don't listen to blues: I know it is the only kind of song you'll desire to hear at this point but trust me, it isn't the kind of song you should listen to if you really want to get out of this depressive state. Don't download any of James Blunt's tracks, no. Not because he's gay but because you'll shed serious tears man. Try gospel praise...I'm not trying to sound churchy but that is just the kind of songs you should really indulge yourself with at this stage (and hopefully after this stage). You can try rap/hip-hop tracks too (for those who don't want to listen to gospel, the stubborn ones :-P). If you ask me though, I'd insist on gospel praise.

3) Work on yourself: Dude, remember when I said you were rejected not necessarily because you were bad? Well, every morning you wake up, lie to yourself! Look into the mirror and say, "I'm good, I can be better." You don't even need a heartbreak to practice this, it is something you should do every morning. Set goals and meet or exceed your targets. The truth is, few months from now, if she sees you at the same state you were when she turned you down, she'll probably say to herself, "Well, I made a pretty good decision to bounce him." Don't let this happen. If there is ever a time to push yourself in life, if there is ever an avenue that can be used to motivate or inspire a man, it is times like this. Don't waste this. This disappointment should be a blessing. It was a setback but this is the best time for you to make a comeback.

4) Hang Out with Friends: Bro, it's the best way to forget it all temporarily: hanging out with friends. Like somehow, time skips and you'd be so distracted you won't remember a thing. The downside however, is when you're alone again. If you're strong enough, you'll go through the night with no emotional issues but if you're not, errrmmmm...don't live your friends till you're strong enough.

5) Call her or not?: How did she say it? If she was rude, then don't call her like ever, if she wasn't...then don't call her for a week or 2 and when you do, please don't cry. Sound happy, even if you're not. Not that you're trying to show off that you'll be fine without them(which is a truth) but because it kind of disconcerts some girls, when they know that there is someone who is having a downtime because of their actions. It is not easy for them too. They can't possibly accept everyone who asks them out. It was unfortunate you were rejected but that doesn't necessarily mean you're not good enough. Put yourself in their shoes too. Regardless of the situation, just forgive and move on.

6) Smile: Regardless of the situation you find yourself in life, always smile. It has everything to do with positivism.

          In the end, I just want you to feel better about yourself. The whole aim of this piece is just to let you know that it has happened to others before you and they survived and they’re currently doing better than they were before, so don’t feel like it is the end of the world. I know it feels like your world has crashed around you but trust me, it hasn’t. It might seem like the end of the road but just know it is the start of another journey. At the end of the day, a closed door doesn’t mean a locked one, a lost opportunity doesn’t mean an end to opportunities. As a matter of fact, you’re a lot stronger than you were before now, which is a good thing. 

Every disappointment always leads to a blessing. Pick yourself up and dust yourself. I don't know how difficult it is for you, I don't know if you're even contemplating suicide (I have a rope, if you’re that foolish). I don't know how many NOs you've heard so far. It hardly matters, you’re alive and that means there is hope and above all else you still have a purpose to fulfil for GOD. I’m not going to say you'll get a yes soon. I don't know when but I'm confident you're few steps, or even less, away. Trust me you will and you won't regret this journey. I want you to get up from that bed, I want you to turn off that sad song, you've had enough and it's time to continue moving. Just be you and love will find you eventually (i.e if life was a fairy tale or a Disney movie)…Okay, I’m serious.
          Also, when you get out of this dilemma (Yes, you will), you will come across a brother who is facing the same challenge. Don’t forget to share this or if you have better remedies, help him with it. 

IT FEELS THE SAME --by Kreed

(Image source: corablu.com)

Home; some say it's where the heart is but I've always felt like a stranger there.

The air still had the same stench and the sun never ceased to smile.

It was like walking back into my past. Though time had taken its toll on this place, it didn’t change a thing on this path.

I wasn’t a stranger on this path and neither were the songs that accompanied me when I treaded it.

I've lost count the number of times my tears have watered this earth but I could count the number flowers that sprouted thereafter.

I stopped at the place where it all began and I could still sense the fear. I started from the place where it all ended and I could still feel the courage.

I saw the same buildings I had seen years before, but not the same faces. Today, I saw a man, only yesterday he was a child but his eyes gave away the same secrets: despair and emptiness (hopelessness)

I passed by my old school, or what was left of it. Within those walls, I was an outsider, just as I was today.

I remembered their errors, I remembered my mistakes, but all were in the past.

I had left in one piece but not without scars. It was here I fell as a boy; it was here I rose as a man.

I walked past the garden and I could spot a happy couple in a sea of sad faces. It was like light in the midst of darkness or gold in clay.

It was here we lavished each other with love, just like the flowers that crowned this garden with beauty, and the lake that made it felt like paradise.

Today I was alone and my thoughts were drowned by her laughter but not her laughter

It was what we once had but today she was betrothed to another. I once lived it but today, they were only memories.

I saw the sun set, nature was shutting down but then the street lamps came on. Man had always rebelled, right from Eden, but this time, in a good way.

I was now under the beam from the lamp, no longer at the sun's mercy. Then someone called out from the shadows. Only yesterday she had it all but then came destruction. An innocent child she was but tonight, she was searching for her next kobo.

I came across the chapel. Its beauty was gradually fading but it had not lost its essence. It was here I learnt my first prayers, it was he who gave me a reason to believe and it was he who taught me the importance of faith. Today, I was by his grave stone. From dust he came and to dust he returned.

I looked back and then ahead. It was then I realized the truth, “The past, I can’t change but the future, I can amend.” My wounds would always heal but not my scars. They said time heals but nobody told me that it also ruins.

"I'M S**UALLY STARVING" (18+) --by Nickz

(Image source: www.torchleader.com)

Few days ago, I visited my friend and former course mate. We got engaged in some cordial conversation and one of the topics was women. Yes, we guys talk about women, just the way they talk about us. He was telling me about a girl he dated back on campus. Let’s call her Tina and call my friend, Jay. Just so you know, Jay wasn’t the platonic–friendship type of guy. As a young undergraduate, his motive was not casual friendship but hedonic. Tina, the 22 year old girl he happened to date was a sex machine that matched his pleasure desire and he had his fill each time she came around. She loved sex and wanted it often, just like he enjoyed it too. After a while, Tina saw the need to move on as they both knew they were not ready to take the relationship to the next level. There was no hard feeling. They understood their level of commitment and even after Tina announced that she was getting married to someone else, Jay was still in good terms with her. He too, needed to focus on his academics and side hustles.

Now, this is where the discussion started getting catchy: Tina got married to a banker, moved from Uyo to Lagos and started her matrimonial home there. After some months, she initiated conversation with Jay via Whatsapp. She was not sounding happy like a newly wedded wife who should be having a good time walking the dream journey. This was her cry: “I’m sexually starving”. Jay saw it as a joke initially but Tina cleared the air and proved her seriousness. According to her, her husband who is a banker barely had time to touch her. He came back from work late in the evening and each time, was usually too tired to perform and if he did, he wasn’t delivering up to the brim of her cavity of expectation. He was a young man in his early thirties. “It’s over four weeks we had sex,” she complained to Jay. To make matters worse, Tina had no job and was always home. When the husband left for work, she remained at home alone, which sky-rocketed her horny feelings.  She confessed she masturbated just to satisfy her urges. Jay, knowing she was married had washed his hands off her and moved on with other single warm bloods. All he could do was try to give her some hope and encouragement but she wasn’t ready for any sermon. She came out blunt. She wanted Jay over! The desperation was there in every word she dropped. She said each time she went though the memories of what they shared back in the day, it usually drove her crazy and she had to stimulate herself to get excitement using Jay’s picture as the “stimulant”! She couldn’t bear it all alone and she contacted Jay again. She was willing to sponsor his trip to and fro Lagos, just to fill her up the good old way. She made that clear to Jay.

Jay felt for her. “Have you discussed how you usually feel with your husband?” He asked her. She replied that telling her husband anything of such nature would make him very uncomfortable and suddenly suspicious of her each time he left her at home to work. That was not something she desired. It could definitely ruin their union. Jay agreed on that point. Asking her husband for more sex could be very awkward. But the situation was still there. Jay shared everything with me. I strongly discouraged him from making such a trip. Sleeping with someone’s wife was on the black pages of abominations. He said he wouldn’t make such a stupid move. I didn’t press further. I just hoped he would stick to his words.

When I returned home, I played out the whole situation and possible outcomes in my head. If Jay eventually succumbed to her mundane desires, made the trip and made away the first time, that would open a room for more trips and as they say; nothing is hidden under the sun, one day, the deed will be exposed to the knowledge of all. The implications will be disgraceful. If Jay keeps his word and declines the invitation, which would be responsible of him, what happens to Tina? She’s gonna find someone else–even the janitor or plumber –just anyone available with that ‘joystick’ and still, it’s going to end badly.

One thing I greatly frown on is matrimonial desecration and this true story I’ve shared brings about this write-up. I’m single but I’m sure I still stand in a better position to have a say on marital affairs. Many may be hasty to tag Tina a slut and cast stones on her. Do not forget that many, many marriages are passing through a similar problem. The way I look at Tina’s situation, I’m sure the problem could have been detected right from courtship. Being a lover of sex, she definitely did not refrain from sex during courtship and during that period, the signs would have been visible that her man was not the sex addict type. She ignored, believing a magic would happen in marriage. Even in a situation where there is no sexual relationship during courtship, sexual topics should be raised and freely aired, without assuming everything would take its place naturally. Men and women have different preferences on this subject and this can become one of the determinant binding cords of marriage. 

Having frequent desire for sex should not be totally condemned if it’s not based on some form of disorder. Though marriage is not just about sex, attention should be given to this topic in marriage, just the way attention is given to money inflow and wellbeing.  But in Tina’s case, the mistake has already been made. Somewhere in my heart, I know there’s a way out for her. I’m no marriage counselor or an authority. Advising Tina to meet a marriage counselor could make her shiver from fear of being seen as a ‘bad type’, though these experts are ideal for her to meet and they do not disclose confidential information. I’m sure one or more readers can have a beneficial say on this that can save not just Tina but many others. That’s why I’m throwing this topic open for you to read and contribute.  Somebody out there reading this is also in Tina’s shoes and wants a way out. Left to me, I’d say Tina should use a subtle approach and discuss with her husband. A responsible husband would find a beneficial way around and work something out. But what if the man acts as she feared and treats her with disdain? This issue requires delicate handling, if the marriage has to be saved. What’s your say?

NIGER DELTA AVENGERS --by Kreed

Image source: www.oyibosonline.com

I have watched and followed with keen interest as the intrigues in the Niger Delta region continue to playout. Since the start of the 21^st century, we’ve seen various gimmicks being employed by different groups, all in a bid to actualize one selfish interest or another. From Niger Delta Militants to Boko Haram to Niger Delta Avengers (I hope they have Captain Nigeria in their ranks). All three groups have one thing in common: they employed violence and the communities from which both groups evolved from had one thing in common: they all did nothing when they should have. They folded their arms till it was too late. To say I’m disappointed when I see our masses support these movements on social media would be an understatement. To say I’m surprised would be a lie though. Nigerians hardly learn from their past.

Violence, just like a forest fire, usually starts small. First, only one tree is on fire and then eventually, the fire spreads to the other trees and before you know it, the whole forest is on fire. This is the one mistake that has been common among the host communities of these various groups. They all failed to contain the outbreak and eventually they were consumed too. Their case was perfectly captured in a quote attributed to Martin Niemoller, a Protestant pastor and an outspoken public foe of Adolf Hitler during WW2:

 “First they came for the Socialists and I did not speak out because I was not a Socialist. Then they came for the Trade Unionists and I did not speak out because I was not a Trade Unionist. Then they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew. Then they came for me and there was no one left to speak for me.”

They always start out like innocent groups, with the interests of the people as their major motivation but as time passes by, the same people for which they often claim to be fighting for, always end up being consumed by their wrath. Boko Haram for example, during the first two years of their operation, it was the churches that bore the scars of their fury. I’ve lost count of the number of churches that were attacked and the number of innocent lives that were lost. However, in subsequent years, every Nigerian became a target; Muslims and Christians alike.

In my personal opinion though, the region has been neglected over time by various administrations and hence they have every right to complain about this neglect but are the Avengers actually fighting for the uplift and development of their community or is it just a case of a group of individuals with personal and greedy interests hiding behind a genuine cry for help, to carry out illicit acts? Again, in my opinion, I most certainly believe it is the later. I remember vividly, the first set of Militants came with the same ‘Liberators of the Niger Delta’ tag but no sooner was amnesty announced, did their leaders begin to show their real agenda; Self Enrichment. As I’m writing this, Asari Dokubo (yes the noisy one), has several infrastructures in Benin but nothing in the Niger Delta region where he comes from. Tompolo is being investigated by the EFCC for none execution of a contract awarded to him by the previous administration. They all go about with security escorts and while the people for which they claimed to be fighting for, are still wallowing in poverty and reside in a heavily polluted environment.

I remember an incident that occurred during my Industrial Training. We had gone to survey a particular road way in a community in Nwaniba, Uyo. But we were fiercely resisted by residents of that community. One even went as far as saying that we were only going to survey the area over his dead body. This was just one of several cases. I have heard a lot more of such cases and it’s troubling to think that these same people would still come out in the future to complain about the underdevelopment of their communities. Just recently, my boss had told me how a project to link the Bonny Island to Rivers mainland via a bridge, was abandoned because the indigenes of the host communities demanded to be paid for any such project to be executed in their community. I can’t really ascertain the authenticity though but I won’t rule it out either. That’s just how ignorance and greed has continued to allow development to elude most of the communities in that region. I won’t rule out the various State governments and Federal governments from alleged complicity in this mess. If they have been doing the right things, there wouldn’t be any avenue for these glorified criminals to use as a cover up for their illegal activities.

On a final note, anybody who is in support of the violence, rather than dialogue, being employed by these Avengers, might want to have a rethink. It’s just a matter of time before they begin to point their weapons in the direction of their indigenes. There was a time the first set of militants used kidnapping expatriates as a means of making their plights known to the world. However, when most expatriates left the region, they started to kidnap the citizens in that region. The Avengers are blowing pipelines now but if they succeed in destroying all of it, do you really think they’ll lay low? Most certainly not. They’ll look for other avenues; it could be destruction of schools, government offices, kidnapping, the list is endless. The violence they perpetrate today may seem insignificant but tomorrow, it’ll definitely grow out of proportion and uncontrollable, if adequate measures are not taken. We should be careful of the things we support and wish for. Bad history shouldn’t repeat itself.

LINDA THE HO --by Nickz

 

(Image source: www.pinterest.com)

The governor is in a very good mood tonight. His trusted friend is with him in his magnificent edifice. They talk about the success of their political plots and they open the costly bottle of red wine to merry. After so much fun, his friend is set to leave but he says, "Ah, you can't just leave yet!" He signals one of his aides and he comes close. "Bring in Linda," he whispers into his ear. Within seconds, they bring her in. She's very comely and beautiful. The aide hands her over to the friend. "She's all yours," the governor says. His friend is thrilled. He likes her already. He jokingly sniffs her scent and they all burst out laughing, but Linda doesn't find that funny. The friend thanks the governor and leaves.

Linda is sitting quietly in the front seat of his tinted Prado. She doesn't say anything and he doesn't either. It's business as usual. They get to his house and she spends the night there. 

In the late morning hours, the friend calls one of his boys to take Linda back to her pimp. But the boy is also human. He needs a taste of her sweetness. He secretly takes his share before taking her to the pimp. The pimp receives her and thanks the client for his patronage. 

She's back in the red light mansion. She sees many others like her. She is prettier than most of them. The clients are always coming, to pick or to drop. The messenger comes in and calls a not-so-pretty colleague of hers. She was nothing close to Linda's beauty but they still called her out. Well, all fingers aren't equal. Her value is higher. Few minutes later, they come in and call her. She's out there and can see the faces of the clients in the hall. The man who she had spent last night with had requested for the not-so-pretty one. The man sees her but she was sure he can't recognize her. Maybe he doesn't want to spend much. That's how it works. Well, it was business as usual. 

She looks into the face of her new client. He is very handsome, neatly dressed and looks like a very successful business man.

She went home with him and he used her like others. He shared her round to his friends and they were all happy.

Call me bad but soon, I'll get a share of Linda.

That was a metaphoric piece. The red light mansion is the bank. The messenger is the cashier. The pimp is the bank teller. We are the clients.

Linda is big bucks

‪#‎MoneyIsABigBadHo

AN NYSC CAMP EXPERIENCE --by Nickz

So many things actually happened back then in November 2014, during my three weeks NYSC orientation in Umunya Camp, Anambra State. A lot of guys were trying so hard to win the heart of pretty girls they came across. Some were successful; others kept spending until they read the invisible back-off handwriting. The engaged girls sometimes played smart by pulling off their rings when they found a catch to flirt and mess with. The military supervision and time restrictions couldn’t completely cut out fun from the whole process.

One of the moments that made the camp days fun was the evening activities which brought everyone out to the open field. The various platoons usually had several activities to display, ranging from cultural dance, drama, comedy show to music performance. It was interesting to watch youths display talents gracefully. It was also interesting to know that some nocturnal fellows were usually far behind the crowd, doing their thing in shady corners. Yeah, many things happen when youths come together. They can serve in many ways, you know. Once, two guys were arrested in the bush and brought for trial in the camp court for possession of hard drugs. I felt for them as they were handed over to security agents.

Back to where I’m really heading; what happened in camp. Well, a couple of interesting things happened, likewise a couple of saddening things. There’s one experience that really stands out when it comes to the later. Let me start from how that day started.

The early morning trumpet went off by 4:30am which meant we all had to be up and ready for the morning drills. If one wasn’t fast enough to be ready, then the soldiers would remind such a fellow that he wasn’t in his father’s house. Because of time and the long queue for fetching water, I decided to postpone bathing till after the drills. I’d also wash off the sweat from the drills. Besides, the morning was really chill. So I brushed my mouth, slipped into my white shorts, shirt and jungle boots and doubled up to the field.

The thousands of us assembled on the field and our superiors directed the devotion before telling us the usual schedule of activities. Afterwards, we commenced our drills with Man O War officials guiding us. We did jogging, chanted crazy songs, did some more physical exercise and the chill was replaced with sweat. After the drills, we gathered again for instructions from our platoon officer. The officer announced to us that our platoon will be keeping security watch that day and so she needed ten volunteers. I raised my hand too. Ten of us were selected and while others dispersed, the ten of us followed the officer for further instructions. We were given tags and locations to keep watch over later in the day.

By then, day light was ripe and it was time for breakfast. The queue for food was really long and noisy. Even with my duty tag, I could hardly get special attention. Finally, breakfast was done with and it was back to bathing. The water supply system in the camp was a huge fuck up that day. Few outlets dispensed water and the rate of flow was miserable. Buckets lined again.  The flow ceased and we had to go and join an existing queue at another outlet. Unluckily for me and some others, the trumpet went off again and that meant we had to double up to the parade ground. Damn! That meant no bathing for me at the moment. Without wasting time, I tidied up and rushed to the parade ground. We were briefed for some minutes then told to dispatch to our various skill acquisition groups while those on security should go to their duty posts. Within minutes, I walked down to my security post and manned the area for hours. The sun came up and temperature was high. I could smell sweat from my armpit. I promised myself a good bath after the whole stress.

Finally, we were relieved of duty by 5pm. The ten of us later met, compiled our reports and submitted. By the time we were done, it was time for dinner. We queued up again for food and after dinner, I went to fetch bathing water, only to meet another queue. The length of the line could form a border around Kaduna state. While there, guess what? The trumpet sounded again! We were summoned for evening activities. Mehn, those evening activities could be time-consuming and in my dirty state, it wouldn’t be enjoyable. How would I be comfortable around my friends?

Several platoons carried out activities and at the end, the judges announced the winning platoons but I couldn’t feel the fun that night. Finally, the activities ended late at past ten pm, eating few minutes into light-out time. I was feeling so disappointed. Really? Are you going to bed like this? I asked myself. While approaching my dorm, I saw a guy rush out with an empty bucket. “Water dey rush for one tap o! na there I de go so.” I didn’t need further words. Rushing in, I grabbed my bucket and hastened in his direction. On getting to the outlet, my jaw dropped. If what I had seen in the morning and afternoon were queues, then this was their grand master! I contemplated going back to find other options but I decided to wait. Thirty minutes later, the buckets were moving okay and I was getting closer; like twenty buckets close. I smiled when I saw a long line of bucket behind me and I remembered I was once at the end. Progress finally. Fifteen more buckets. Ten more buckets. Seven more buckets. Seven more buckets to fetch mine, the beats changed. Out of nowhere, one black and tall soldier carrying a thick stick that could club a bear to death walked to the front of the tap. “Oya Move!” He commanded us. We started to complain that most of us had not washed since morning but this man was hardened. Maybe we expected he’ll later soften and allow us to fetch some more before leaving so we hesitated in complying. Unknown to us, we were wearing out his patience. It was when he raised his heavy stick up and smashed the line of buckets that we knew he meant business. Immediately, people picked their rubbers and moved, complaining as they left. I picked mine and went back some distance. I didn’t go. I was glad there were few other guys, about fifteen others still hanging around with me at some distance. The soldier would not leave the tap area so we brought up a plan. “This is not fair! They can’t even provide us with water. We are not animals o!” one of us complained. “Let us go and complain to the State Coordinator.” Someone suggested. That sounded like a good idea but it required steel balls. The State Coordinator was like the governor there. She was highly secured with state security agents and other security outfits but we were willing to give it a shot. We made up our minds to go to her quarters. Armed with out buckets, we left. The source of our strength was that we were many and so with a collective voice, we may win a little favour. I was in front with two other guys while the rest followed behind. “We cannot be suffering like this! Since morning I have not taken my bath!” Someone complained as we marched on. Wow, it sounded good to know that someone else was in my shoes. This was already some minutes to eleven pm.

We were getting close to the quarters. We could see it. Unfortunately, that was all we could do—see it. Some armed State Security agents approached us and we halted. Mehn, these guys were armed with bad arse P-90s! I was comforted with the knowledge that with our presentable number, we would gain some attention from them. But a surprise awaited me when I turned behind to see that all our followers had vanished and we were left just four! One of the superiors dressed in black suit stepped forward with a stern look that could fry a rock. With a commanding voice, he asked us, “What time is it by your clock?” First of all, the shock of seeing how few we had become was weakening enough. Now, these dreadful faces. “Sir  we came to say that we need water to take our—” He didn’t let us land. “My friend, listen to me. Before you say anything, let me have your state codes!” What? State Code? Mehn, it could have been better for us to frog-jump all the way to our dorms than to surrender our state codes. That could warrant serious penalties. In the morning, they may say we came to attack the Coordinator and read out our state codes for us to come out before all and face our judgment. For the first time, we all feared. “Please sir, we only came to —” He cut us off again. “Are you all aware that it’s past light-out time and you should be in bed? Before I count three, I don’t want to see anyone of you here!” That was the best thing I heard all evening. Sir, just one is enough, you don’t have to count up to three. I said in my heart before I vanished into thin air.

That night was very long and uncomfortable and I understood that being under training could be a hell hole. The following day, there was water and in spite the queue, I fetched enough for my bath and laundry. I developed a technique that prevented such future occurrences. Ask me what I did.