TWO SIDES --by Kreed

                                                            

(Image source: sazzy-bu.deviantart.com)

TAYE

Tall, Pretty, Slim, wild, crazy, lousy and sometimes, a bit trashy; those were the words I would use to describe her. She had very few attributes of my kind of girl but somehow and strangely too, I was attracted to her. We had met at a friend’s birthday party, five months ago. But we always conversed with each other like we were together from birth. She was more exposed than I was. To be sincere, she wasn’t reserved like I was. I remember how we would spend most of our conversations exchanging banters with each other. I felt some level of freedom with her than I did with most of my female friends. She always opened up to me about many things. Whenever I offended her, she never hid it from me and it was one of the things I liked about her. Sometimes I would ignore her complaints just to infuriate her more, not because I loved seeing her angry but because she always did the same to me. I always apologized eventually, just as she often did. I remember the first time we hung out, it was also our last. I learnt a lot about her that day, as she did about me. To be honest, I had completely misjudged her. Yea she was lousy like I earlier stated but she was a beautiful person. She cared a lot more than I could even imagine. We became closer after that day.

Then one day, she told me she was travelling to her state for a week and that was it. I never heard from her again. Initially I was afraid something had happened to her. I was sincerely worried. However I became angry when I realized she was okay and was clearly just ignoring me. But then where did it all go wrong? It is the one question that I can’t provide answers to, even till this day.  “Precious what did I do?” I kept asking myself. It’s been two months since I last heard from her. I spent the first month begging her to come back or to forgive me for whatever offense I must have committed. I called severally but she’d never respond and I sent several text messages too but I still got the same silent treatment.

It wasn’t the first time a girl had left me like this but hers hurt me because I told her how depressed I felt when my former girl left me in similar circumstance. I just never learn. I had always felt pity for the female populace, especially when my friends tell me how they would dump them after having sex with them. All that pity was replaced with hate at the moment. They all deserved worse. They’re no better and all they do is exploit those who show them love.

Now all that love has been replaced by hate but a part of my heart still wanted her. My phone buzzed, I pick it up but it was only a message from Airtel. I drop it back disappointed and began to massage my temple. I couldn’t get her out of my head. Some part of me abhorred her but then, another part yearned for her presence. Deleting her pictures won’t make any difference; I can always get them back on Facebook. Just then, the light bulb in my head flickered. There was only one thing I could do in times like this. I smiled to myself and then I picked up my laptop. Write it out. Writing down my feelings has always been my natural cure for pain. So I’ll just write about everything. It’s the only way I can stop myself from loathing her or obsessing over her.

PRECIOUS

“Look at his young, cute face.” I can’t help but smile as I think of the good times we had. I always loved his smile. I’m just sad we, sorry, I had to end the way I did. To be sincere, he wasn’t my kind of guy. He was lanky, not sociable, always talked like he had no fears but had a lot of them. However, just somehow, I got attracted to him. I loved the fact that he always had a response to every banter I threw at him. I also loved it when he often refused to apologise to me after offending me, especially when I told him about it. Maybe he wasn’t macho guy that every girl was obsessed over but he had a very special and lovely character. I wouldn’t trade that for anything to be honest. He always teased me when I blushed, nobody ever did that. He always opened up to me about issues that bothered him, that made me feel wanted.

Everything was going right, up until that night, two months ago, when I was raped. Tears never ceased to stream from my eyes every time I recall it. I had always wondered why rape victims were ashamed of speaking out but now I am also a victim and I understand why. I haven’t told anyone, I doubt I ever will. I still remember his face, as I saw my world crash before me with his every thrust. I felt nothing but disgust every time I starred at myself in the mirror. All men are indeed dogs. How do I move on from here? The one unanswered question I have asked myself the last two months. He is probably somewhere with his friends, bragging about his conquest. Meanwhile I’m here, struggling with how to get on with my life. The hate I have for every male knows no bound. Even my brothers are not exempted from this. They all should be castrated, all of them but Taye.

Taye was different and I know but I just couldn’t control the animosity for males that presently engulfed my heart. I had to leave because I didn’t want to hurt him anymore than his last girl did. I wish I could just open up to him but I’m just too ashamed of myself right now and I don’t know what his reaction would be. He had sent countless messages last month, all of which I ignored, including his calls. Sometimes I don’t know which has been the harder task; hating him or ignoring him. I just hoped he would somehow forgive me but I doubt he was ever going to do so.

On the table was a picture of my family. We took this photograph during Christmas last year. Look how we were all happy. I was happy too but that was before this cruel fate befell me. There is only one way to put myself out of my misery. “I hope my family forgives me.” I said to myself as I wiped the tears off my cheeks and with my eyes firmly fixed on the picture, I picked up two pills. I hesitated a bit and then I decided it was just the best way to end it. I threw the pills in my mouth and then I swallowed with a glass of water. I took off my slippers and then I lay on my bed.