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Wednesday, 17 May 2017

THAT AWKWARD MOMENT IN THE EMPLOYER'S OFFICE --by Nickz



The secretary comes out from the corridor and tells me, “The MD is ready to see you. Please come”
Within seconds we’re standing by the door with a bold tag: Managing Director. The secretary knocks and opens. She ushers me in, closes the door and vanishes.  I am in the big office now. I see the MD seated on his executive chair, busy with his computer. He makes a gesture for me to take a seat, still not looking up. Two other company staff are also in his office, seated on the sofa. Everybody is waiting for Oga to break the silence. Oga clears his throat and looks up. He isn’t looking very happy.

MD: Mr. Ayekponor Mbamba…we’re about to have a very long talk. But before that, let me educate you on some vitals. This company, as you know, is a multinational establishment that has been in existence long before you started your nursery education. We have core values that have kept us this far, one of which is staff integrity. We are very particular about the kind of people we hire. I’ve gone through your CV; it’s well written and satisfactory for a CV. But we go further than mere CV. They’re some areas which we’re interested in which the CV cannot elaborate. I had set up a committee to look into your Facebook affairs and see what they can find out about you. I personally was part of that committee. That’s where we have a lot to talk from. Let me start by asking: why do you choose Nickz Mb as your username?

I forgive him for murdering my name. I had suspected this Facebook thing would happen sooner or later. I know it’s part of the modern methods employers use now. I take a deep breath and exhale slowly.

Me: First of all Sir, I commend your company for its high standards towards employee integrity. It’s uncommon. Secondly, I thank you for giving me the opportunity to respond to your findings one on one. I appreciate. Nickz Mb is my username because it’s shorter and more convenient for friends to find me. It eases the spelling errors in my name while friends search for me to add. Also, several people outside Facebook know me as Nickz. Nevertheless, people who search for me with my formal name will still find me because I set my account that way. So, I choose Nickz Mb to ease connect and communication.

MD adjusts his reading glasses and asks the next question. I barely can tell if he’s satisfied with my response or not. That puts me a little on edge.

MD: What does Facebook mean to you?

Me: I see Facebook as an interesting and interactive social platform, a community of its own with so much variety; an avenue for entertainment and information.

MD: I have gone through most of your posts here. It’s majorly humour. Why would I not rate you as an unserious person?

This is the part that I have to brace myself for. I knew it would come. You can do this, I tell myself

Me: Sir, I’m afraid to say, but I don’t see humour and unseriousness being synonymous. Anyone who rates me unserious from Facebook would be incorrect. If anyone thinks so, I would quickly point him to look at my consistency, my originality, the content diversity and the progressively expanding audience. It would only mean that I show seriousness in being unserious, which means I am a serious and creative individual.
My posts reflect more than humour. I look into the society, education experience, relationships, and try to draw something from them which people can cheerfully relate to and feel excited about. Besides, some of my posts are moralistic write-ups, encouraging good morals. Also, the quality of posts I drop helps me draw audience to our blog, which is a serious business Sir.

The MD looks at me keenly, puts on his glasses and slowly leans back on his chair. He motions to one of the senior staff to take over. One of the staff on the sofa begins.

Staff 1: I am Oyedele Bolaji. I head Personnel Department. Just like the MD told you, this company is particular about staff integrity and performance capacity. Let me ask you this: do you think you create a positive impact on people reading your posts?

Me: Yes, I do Sir. My posts are mainly directed to the young people who form majority of friends on my list. Many times, I receive private and public commendations for my posts. It makes me happy to know I can reach out to people and make them laugh or have something to say, in spite the present challenges these young people are experiencing, especially the graduates. I try as much as possible to screen out every form of abusiveness, ethnic intolerance, violence promotion and any other form of offensive contents.

Staff 1: Have you benefited from Facebook in any way?

Me: In more ways than I can tell Sir. Firstly, it has improved my writing and communication skills and my self confidence. Also, I’ve been able to build friendship with some relevant people that I wouldn’t have the privilege to walk into their offices or meet in their high places. I’ve made good friends—young and elderly—who have supported me in many ways. Also, like I said, Facebook brings audience to our blog, so those are the benefits.

Staff 1 takes down some notes and then nods at the other staff seated beside him to take over. The MD is busy with his computer, looking as nonchalant as a gambler. Staff 2 takes over.

Staff 2: Young man, I’ve heard what you’ve said but I will ask you two important questions: you studied mechanical engineering but all your posts have nothing to do with engineering. How does that reflect that you are passionate about engineering?

Me: I see Facebook as a platform that brings people of diverse professions together to socialize and promote their involvements. I don’t see Facebook as a professional platform so I create contents that cut across professions, touching people individually, not professionally. I am devoted to engineering and I belong to other platforms where we share professional knowledge.

Staff 2: If you were employed here, how do you think your Facebook experience would add to the progress of this company?

Me: When I am employed here (yes, when), I’ll channel my commitment to the goals and values of this establishment. If I could invest such work into social media profile and gain relative significance, how much more a place that the passion of my profession looks up to? I am a good team player and with the excellent minds here, we can achieve higher excellence.

The MD looks up from his screen and takes over.

MD: Alright gentlemen, that will be all the questions. Thank you for your time, Mr. Mbambam. Please wait outside briefly. We’ll call you when we’re ready.

****
Dear Reader,
The above session of interaction is purely a work of fiction and has no reference to any person or place in existence. However, if you were the MD and called me inside again, what would you say as your final decision?


 By the way, add me up on Facebook. The name remains Nickz Mb

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