I CANNOT MARRY A VIRGIN --by Slick

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DISCLAIMER: This Post Is Not Meant to Discredit Anyone or Anyone’s State of Sexuality

It was Valentine’s Day and of course most people were clad in the red and white regalia after church service this special day happened to be a Sunday. In the spirit of celebrating love, I and a few friends decided to hit a bar somewhere around Akowonjo in Lagos that is popularly called Franca’s Place to empty some bottles into the body system. The music was loud and everyone seemed to be having a good time and also engrossed in various subjects of discussion. I and my guys were just having the usual argument concerning the English Premier League games that were played over the weekend when a loud voice caught my attention. It screamed, “I CANNOT MARRY A VIRGIN”. Everyone at Franca’s Place was startled by this expression from a man that appeared to be in his forties.

It took the intervention of the Disc Jockey to return things to normalcy. I had actually thought that he was having a quarrel with one of the men that sat with him at the table, until he showed an ongoing chat on his phone to his friend seated opposite him.

“See Julius dey tell me say him babe na virgin, because he dey try penetrate and e no enter”. These were the next words that followed after his friend had received the phone from him. To satisfy my curiosity, I deviated from the discussion I was having with my friends and began to eavesdrop on the discussion these obviously intoxicated men were having. According to the mystery man, virgins were hard to convince to have sex; had boring sex lives; and that he had done too many bad things in his lifetime for him to deserve a virgin. He finally added that most ladies that claimed that they were virgins proved false when the occasion to prove it arose. The men at the table were having a loud laughter but this analysis got me thinking.

Why did he see being a virgin as a disease? Did he have a bad experience with a supposed virgin? Was it a true fact that randy men never get to have virgins?

Random thoughts occupied my mind and I was constantly brought back to reality, by the voices of a couple giggling behind me.

Such is life sha! The things you fervently pray for are what somebody out there is rejecting with all the energy his body can supply. How can someone prefer a used vehicle to a brand new one? Ever wondered why some women buy certain creams and apply certain therapies in order to tighten their something? I would strongly argue that you can teach your virgin wife anything she’s naive of in the bedroom. After all, constant practice makes one nearly perfect. Serena Williams did not become a tennis champion in a day. It is sad that anyone would want to compare a woman to a porn actress.

On the other hand, I do not blame the mystery man for his shallow reasoning. A lot happens on this planet almost every day such that one’s reasoning about a subject matter can be easily tampered with. Virgins are rare in supply these days and such I would consider it a blessing from the Most High if a man came in contact with one; that was even bold enough to consider him for marriage. After all, what is the test for knowing if a man is a virgin or not? 

God bless the women!