Sponsored Ads

Wednesday, 2 November 2016


Image source: printerest.com

Today wasn't supposed to end like this. My week wasn't supposed to end like this. It's always been like this since the start of the year. This year has been about taking a step forward and two backward. "Think positive Taye, Think positive. The day is not over, you still have eight hours, everything is possible." Tears began streaming down my eyes, I've been positive for so long, yet, it seems my situation has been ordained by fate. It seems God was just up there, watching all of this befall me. Already 50k in debt, been on half salary since last year, not been paid the last two months, no food at home and I'm down to my last 1k.

I was fortunate to have gotten a lift from this stranger. I wasn’t the only passenger in the vehicle, the man also picked up another person at a bus stop. He seemed nice, probably the only good that has happened in months. Had been under the rain searching for a cab but when I couldn't find, I decided to trek, out of frustration. That's when he drove by and offered me a lift. At least I could save that transport for tonight's food. Just last month, I had boasted I wasn't going to request for loans from anyone but I was about to chew my words. It was like every time I said I won't, I did and when I said I would, I didn't. Life was happening to me at the moment and I couldn't seem to stem the tide. They said life is an empire of choices but every single decision I've made has seemed to be the wrong one. "Exercise patience, it'll come." But I was getting old with every passing second and patience is one attribute time didn't have. Everything was just going wrong at the same time. Too many setbacks for one and some nights all I could do was just break down and cry. These days I had nothing to look forward to. I woke up these days not wanting to get up. I had lost every passion for the things I loved. I wasn't even productive anymore. My life was going downhill at the moment. I feel like a man in a battle field, waving a white flag but still getting shot at. 


I’m the first born and the only boy in my family. Dad passed away six years ago and it’s been a rough ride since then. I’ve been searching for a job ever since I finished my service but I’ve been unsuccessful in all my attempts. I just feel ashamed that I can’t take care of siblings as much as I have desired to. Though my mother says I shouldn’t feel this way that everything will fall in place at the appointed time. My mother is the nicest person you can have in your life but when is the appointed time? I’m not getting any younger, neither is she. She’s been our pillar all these years and all I want to do is lift this burden she bears by herself. What if she passes away, what happens? I’m 26 years and I can’t even afford my own rent and I still stay in my parents’ home. I can’t assist my sisters in school. Sometimes I just question the essence of even having university education. Wasn’t building my capacity so I can have financial independence, the essence of school? Now look at me, still wearing a worn out shoe and a faded shirt and trousers. If my entire tuition fee had been invested in a profitable business, I wouldn’t be moving around looking for a job. Mother slapped me the last time I told her this *chuckles*.

The other passenger in this car stared at me after I chuckled. I was not in the mood for pleasantries. I was too engulfed in my thoughts to start a conversation right now. Few minutes ago, I was at the bus stop waiting for the rain to subside, when this man drove by and asked where I was headed, I told him and fortunately for me, he was heading the same direction. This free ride was the only good thing happening to me today. I wish I could say the same thing about being alive but I don’t even know if I want to be alive anymore. I was just rejected at one of the firms I applied to last month. Yesterday was the same thing and it’s been that way all through this year. I cried my eyes out while I was at the bus stop waiting for the rain to subside. I don’t know how long I can continue like this. I’m tired of praying and I don’t even know if God exists anymore.


How did I get here? How did it all happen? How did it turnaround? These are some of the questions that ring in my head almost on a daily basis. Like how did a guy who had literally given up on life, get such a massive turnaround in his life? There were nights when I just got on my knees and cried, rather than pray. They were nights when I questioned His very existence. There were nights when I’d rather sleep than stay awake. Then they were those days when I was completely broke. I’ve lost count the number of nights I slept hungry, I’ve lost counts the number of times I had to cover long distances on foot.

Today I picked up two passengers who brought back these memories. I had found the first just walking under the rain, obviously frustrated and the second was at a deserted bus stop, under the rain as well. Both were dripping enough water to form an ocean…lol. Both were obviously at that point I was in life a few years ago—the beginning. Both had been quiet throughout this journey, obviously wallowing in their thoughts. Both were obviously at their make or break point. I have always been a keen believer of providence rather than coincidence and I had no intent of parting ways with them, without impacting positively in their lives. I had no intent of letting them cross the break-point, rather than the make-point. They were at the dicey stage of their lives and any wrong choice would obviously breed more frustrating results.  

They were so many events that often brought tears to my eyes every time I reminisced. That was then, that was in the beginning. Everything changed however, when I chose to see things in a different perspective. Things changed when I altered my attitude towards every setback I encountered. Things changed when I chose to embrace my challenge, rather than complain about them. Things changed when I stopped being anxious about tomorrow, when I stopped dwelling in the past, when I focused  all my energy on the present and trusted that GOD had set things in pleasant places for me already. You see, GOD didn’t hate me when He led me to every obstacle I encountered; rather, He was building me up for the enormous tasks that I would encounter later in life. Looking back now, I have fully acknowledged that I would be a massive flop today if I had continued to avoid those challenges. In the beginning, it felt like I was running through a maze with a blindfold. But along the way, I saw my destination clearly. Along the way, I realized I had been the one steering my wheel rather than Him. Trust GOD.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thank you for reading and appreciating creativity.We hope to see you here again. Please feel free to drop your comments and suggestions as they are catalysts for improvement.