ZIP THE HECK UP! --by Nickz

Image source: http://lifehacks.stackexchange.com

Over the period, I have noticed many people tend to confide their life experiences in me. They naturally share stories of what they’re passing through. Sometimes, you hear the joy and jubilation in their tones, other times, you hear the bitterness and tears as they flow, and can’t help but wonder why some humans would make life unbearable for others. Knowing these about them helps in some way to clarify misconceptions as many ignorant outsiders may perceive the victim as the victimizer.

Today, I’ll share a true story of a nineteen year old girl I know. For the sake of anonymity, let’s call her Vivian. A year ago, Vivian finished her secondary education and ever since, has been staying at home, hoping to re-take the WASSCE for better results and gain university admission. Vivian has a mom and she lives with her. Her mom has two other young female kids—about 8 and 6—from her second marriage, as her first marriage which produced Vivian had failed. So, Vivian is a big sister, taking care of her step-sisters and trying to meet mom’s expectations. I’ll shade more light on the expectations but before that, let me say some things about Vivian or the things I know about her: she’s tall and light skinned, slender but not skinny, hard-working and to a good extent, respectful. I’d comfortably call her a good girl. Sometime ago, she told me she wants to leave home without her mother’s knowledge. I asked her what the matter was. She started sharing some of the battles she’s been going through in the hands of her mom. Her mom was always abusing and cursing her in spite all the efforts she’s been making to assist her in the house and take care of the younger ones. She said she couldn’t have rest of mind in the house because her mom was also comparing her to one of her neighbour’s child; a loose young girl who brings money and food items home from “runs”. She said Vivian had not brought anything good into the house but was always eating her food and hanging out with a broke boyfriend. This was not happening for a day or two months, but for a long while and it affected the teenage girl emotionally to the point that she actually executed her get away plan. It was on a Sunday when her mom and siblings left to church. She packed her bags and sneaked out to another state where she stayed with a relation on the low.

On realizing this, the mom made sure all the neighbours knew her daughter was a bad girl as she went about telling everyone that the child she’s been feeding and accommodating had the guts to flee from home. Some got the impression and said the young girl was foolish and disrespectful to do so. A concerned neighbour even suggested she made a report to the police.

To cut the long story short, after some months, Vivian later came back from the other state, down to her home state but was later hiding with her boyfriend. The mother was making investigations all along and when she found out, she ordered for the arrest of the guy (though he was shortly released) and for Vivian to be staying with one of her aunties within town.

Another case is that of a twenty year old female friend. Her dad had left the marriage without caring about how the kids fared and as if that wasn’t enough, she lost her mother who was their closest umbrella. Oftentimes, she’s full of bitterness and grief. She keeps asking why her father would be so heartless. Her job at a pharmacy is barely taking care of her transportation needs, not to mention feeding, taking care of her siblings and saving for her academic plans.

I also know another, twenty three years old, she hates the mention of her father because of the way he abandoned them right from childhood. He lives a rich and successful life but has not for once sent money for her fees in the university or provide any other financial care. She shed tears when she told me this and also said she initially was nursing revenge on him. Luckily for her, her mom’s new husband became the loving father she lacked for years.

Sometimes, I don’t blame young people for the unchaste path they later chose in life or the things they later do. They have to survive by any means available. This problem traces back to the micro-unit of the society: the family. Sometimes, I run out of condoling words and advice while listening to the storms people are forging through because of a mismanaged family. It would have made more sense if some men didn’t zip down and some women kept their legs closed. It hurts when a child comes into the world only to find life a miserable journey because the people that caused his/her arrival have refused to play their proper roles in the child’s life.

Dear potential parents and existing parents, you’re responsible for the child you bring into the world. Your responsibilities include loving and providing the basic needs of this child till the child is strong enough to be independent. I do not support divorce but even if that happens, transferring revenge or whatever punishment from your ex-spouse to your kids is insane. Bringing up a child is quite demanding and you can’t delve into it unreadily because of few minutes of pleasure.  Ladies, do humanity a favour by closing your legs and men, zip the heck up if you can't control the outcome. Stop making kids only to hate them or else one day pretty soon, you’ll sleep and don’t wake up again and kids will be giggling while peeing on your tombstone because you were full of sh*t while alive. Okay, that was mild. I mean to say you’ll wake up one day to find your genital replaced by an oak tree. Yes, an oak tree. Let the society worry about more uncontrollable situations like earthquakes and tsunamis and not about the menace from your irresponsibility.