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Tuesday, 31 January 2017


Image source: www.fabglance.com

          For a while now, I’ve been fiddling with the idea of putting this down. I think I’ve finally picked up sufficing motivation to voice out on this subject of perturbation. For readers outside Nigeria, this piece may have a degree of variation from your culture as compared to mine here but not to worry, the underlying significance will be found generally beneficial. I want to talk about the abuse in Female Activism on social media, most especially on Facebook.
          Ideally, I would have opened with the definition of female activism or who a feminist is but my impatience wouldn’t let me. Whether defined here or not, I think the purpose of female activism is to change the archaic way the society views women and the girl child, to enlighten the populace and erode the inferiority label on women, to promote girl child education, to give women a chance to be heard, etc. Unfortunately, many here in Nigeria feel they can take shade under the canopy of this movement and diffuse adulterated and self-inspired perspectives to confuse and possibly misguide the gullible fans and followers on social media. When I say many here in Nigeria, I’m referring to our very young ladies on Facebook who have obtained education and probably, some overdose parental pampering and luxury, or a rough relationship life.

          Firstly, let me clear the air before I proceed. I nurse no grudges against outspoken ladies. I love vocally gifted and well-mannered young ladies. I love to see a lady express her opinion intelligently and impart wisdom to the listeners or readers. Unfortunately, what we see on Facebook frequently is not the real deal. Like we all know, on every social platform, there are people who are looked up to as gods and goddesses. These people pull a mass of followers and transmit a degree of influence on them.  What they say is “the best” and so, the possibility of misguiding followers is high. Their center of focus is usually on role equality among partners, especially in matrimony and relationships. To be sincere, this piece is not out to dissuade any female writer from writing whatever she imagines is  cool on her wall but to enlighten few naive and gullible young fans and steer them from misguide.
It is easy for a young lady reading a post to get emotionally carried by the sweetness of the imagination conveyed, especially when it talks about relationships and how a male should be very caring to the wife; cooking for her, opening car doors, helping in domestic chores and all that. She immediately reacts to it by loving the post and commending the writer for speaking “the truth”.
          Dear readers of such posts, I implore you to wash your faces and open your eyes to reality. Most of these female writers usually write based on the nature of their upbringing and environment. Some of them grew into well-to-do families, obtained sound education and in the process became outspoken, acquainted to a life of comfort and social connections. This makes them weigh things based on their exalted level and class. Others are simply out to say things followers want to hear and draw up more followers.

          To tell you the truth, it is at your own detriment to use the fantasies of someone else in laying the basis of your anticipated or current relationship. Relationship is based on mutual understanding. If Miss Lizzy has found a man who likes to cook for her and talks about it delightfully, it doesn’t mean you should expect your man to do same for you. Relationship is complicated because people of diverse backgrounds are merged. Every guy is different and has strong and weak points. Most Nigerian guys grew up seeing their mothers help the family with domestic activities like cooking, cleaning up, putting the house in physical order, also respecting and supporting the husband morally and otherwise as well as contributing to some extent financially. When a guy from such a background starts a relationship with a lady of this generation and she keeps complaining that domestic roles should be shared or that she’s too tired to be doing all the cooking and cleaning for a house of two people, or that she cannot bring out her salary for home building because it’s the man’s job to provide, do you expect that kind of man to stand her? No man wants a lazy woman who will sit on her glorified seat and not be willing to bend down and pick a pin on the floor. The so called feminists have forgotten Nigeria has a way of life. The husband is the head and the wife is a help meet.  There may be one or two exceptions based on mutual understanding but men are naturally cut out to come in when the task or chore is heavy and physical. This is not to say men don’t do light works in the house like to dust a piece of furniture or dress the matrimonial bed or help out one way or the other. They do that too but it doesn’t mean if he recoils from such tasks, the partner should make a scene out of it. I stand to discourage the perspective that it is statutory that males must be compelled to bend to the desire of the women in helping in what is usually the role of the woman, in the name of gender equality. You may argue with me: who made the rule that it’s the role of a woman? I’ll ask back: are you smarter than the system that worked for our parents and grandparents? How many divorces and separations did you hear back then?

          There are several ways a man can show love to and respect his partner: he can always be there to support her, make her feel valued, provide for her needs and place her as priority in his life. A woman who is wise will not ask for more. She will not ask him to help blend the crayfish or help wash the baby’s clothes. She will respect him, plan her schedule to allow her manage home affairs and her job effectively. A wise man appreciates hard work and can willingly offer to help. If he doesn’t, he has other ways of showing his appreciation. Women who are humble and willing to build their homes are the ones that win the heart of their men. Those who nag, argue and debate, complain of being too utilized, always readily drawing the man into simple domestic affairs, are likely to lose their relationships. Women who want to follow the template of a Facebook post from a so-called feminist may lose their relationships.

Stop feeding yourself with the dream picture of Prince Charming that will bring you breakfast in bed. Wake up, wash your face and face reality. Build your relationship based on what you both desire, not what one single (or unhappily married) lady who has probably been having relationship problems all her life will be dishing out on media. Be wise. Any question?


  1. Is the author of this post male or female?

    1. Hello Doris Patrick,
      Thanks for visiting. Nickz is young man in his 20s. Do you wish to contribute or share a perspective?

  2. Feminism has been mispelt lately.
    Nice post

  3. Thank you The Exemplary. Do visit again!

  4. This comment has been removed by the author.


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