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Monday, 11 April 2016

BOOM! 1 -- by Kreed

So I was walking on a street on Saturday and then I came across a book store and newspaper stand. A slowed a bit so I could read the headlines. One newspaper headline SCREAMED “Buhari travels again” and right beside the Newspaper was the novel ‘The Long Walk To Freedom’. Well, at least we now know who inspired Mandela. Without mincing words, many who saw him as the 'messiah' before the presidential elections, have been left disappointed. My man has shown that he is more of a Gulliver than the messiah 'they' all thought him to be. Some still think he is ‘The One’, but Jet Li begs to differ.
In his defence though, he has done just what he promised. Most Nigerians are just an ungrateful bunch. First and foremost, they promised change and are you all going to claim you haven’t witnessed that? Drop in power supply, incessant fuel scarcity, increase in prices of commodities and last but not least, heat.

Finally, he has refused to devalue the currency (I don’t even know what that means) and most importantly, the price of egg roll has remained unchanged (For this alone, he deserves a nobel price).

 This is huge. According to the report, a group of 'sympathisers' were headed for the burial of their loved one. They were stopped by the Police at a check point for the usual stop and search. Trust the Nigerian security outfits, they respect nobody, Dead or Alive. So obviously, they asked the sympathisers to open the coffin. However, what they saw wasn't a human corpse but...*gulps* some weapons enough to make commando (the Aba version) grow green in envy. There is a general believe that those weapons were for some politicians but we'd love to counter that notion. According to a reliable source (emphasis on reliable), the weapons were actually going to be buried. 'Bhet why would anybori wan tu bury weapons?' we probed further. "Well, it turns out, that the devil now deals in the lucrative black market." our source replied. Apparently he was going to capture the 'souls' (this isn't funny by the way) of those weapons. You must be wondering what Satan would want with guns? Well think no more. According to this 'reliable' source of ours, there is a serious war in hell right now. In fact he went further to say, "Hell is not a place you want to be in right now." (as if anybody has ever wanted to be there)...but not to worry, the CIA(not to be mistaken for DSS) are unto this already. I so love the rapid response of these Americans (not to be mistaken for Nigerians).

Have you watched the video of the fracas in the Nasarawa House of Assembly? It wasn’t funny…up until that moment when one of the legislators fell while jumping from a table…lol. There are several questions I’d like to ask our Batman of a legislator. Like what exactly was he running away from? In the video he is seen running all the way from back (on tables! A stuntman this one), only to fall in front of the camera (a real showman this one). I hate downloading videos of national embarrassments but not this one, Batman broke that jinx. He’ll definitely star in Nollywood’s next blockbuster (literally) movie. I just hope they don’t title it ‘Blockbuster’, I’ve seen crazier names though. Here is a link you can use to access the video by the way. There is joy in sharing:


Big grammar is to Hon Patrick Obahiagbon as lack of dignity is to --- Aluko. He is the perfect example of how one can lose his/her face value. With all the ‘supporters’ he’s garnered, I can’t help but wonder if he goes about with a mask these days. I still love him though. His attributes are amazing; honest to a fault, fearless and not one to be taken seriously.

This issue is so contentious, it made the list twice.

Okay that’s it today from this Boom Box. While I’m away, make sure you make the headlines by doing something crazy. Jumping off a skyscraper isn’t crazy but it’ll do. See you when I see you.

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