A CRAZY NIGHT OUT --by Nickz

This piece is a work of fiction and does not in anyway refer to anyone or any true life event. Do enjoy your reading.

My name is Michael. I’m an undergraduate of University of Uyo, presently in my final year. This story I’m about to share happened in my first year. It’s an experience I would never forget.

I grew up in a cultured family in Lagos but admission brought me to the southern part of the country. I couldn’t say I missed my parents much because I really needed to change environment so the admission was a breakthrough. I had two tight friends; Sparrow and Boomer. We were always seen together on campus. I got to know Sparrow while we were carrying out practical Chemistry in the lab. That dude is crazy. He did something I still can’t forget. The lab was stuffy and hot. Sweaty smell was everywhere and noise level was high. We were in the same group of six and were obviously not doing well as we noticed our values were very different from what other groups had. We wasted base and eventually ran out of the sodium hydroxide for our titration. We were frustrated and going to request for extra base from the technologist would mean we didn’t follow procedures and that could be penalizing. Time was running and the technologist was moving from table to table to check progress. Sparrow was the team leader and the team of five looked up to him for a decision. We were getting bored and stressed out by the whole process and the heat. He looked frustrated too and let it out by cursing. “God go punish this stupid pipette. I don drink base full bele, this thing no still work.” None of us anticipated what he was about doing until he had done it. He looked around mischievously, picked up the burette and dropped it on the tiled floor. The shattering sound of the glass was very audible and he started screaming “Acid o! Acid o!” Immediately, the lab was in chaos as almost everyone ran out for safety. Though the practical was cancelled as so many people complained of disruption, our group paid dearly for the damaged property. After the incidence, we started talking and we became friends. We later met Boomer in a night class when we shared his reading lamp during a power outage. His jovial and fun-packed nature, mixed with his studious lifestyle was a rare combination. We were all fresh men in the same faculty.

Back to the story, it was a faculty night, I think it was Faculty of Environmental Sciences. Other faculties were invited for the all-night groove. I was interested, Sparrow was on tiptoes, Boomer was bubbling. It was going to be our first faculty night since we matriculated. Boomer had a girlfriend, he was always good with the ladies. Sparrow had a girl too, though it was difficult to tell the level of commitment as they had broken up and reunited more than the letters in Jack Robinson. As for me, I had my flat hat and pair of sky tops (yeah, call me booless).  We were ready to leave for the event.

The night was thrilling; the artistes and comedians performed great and put the hall in high spirits, the pageantry came up and the winners were crowned. Finally, the MC declared the dance floor open and the DJ unleashed mayhem. The ladies on the dance floor had obviously left their morals at home, I had to pause my dancing to watch one of the dancers, a girl, twist her waist like a snake in her mini gown and drop so low one could see between her thighs. Everyone cheered wildly. She was the spice on the dance floor. I was enjoying the dance but after a while, Sparrow, came to me and said we needed to go buzz up. I obeyed and the five of us left to a nearby bar.

We preferred the outside to the inside of the bar so we took a table in the open air and placed orders. The full moon was high above and the time read 2:40am. Sparrow was a fan of Heineken so for a start, he ordered two bottles. Boomer preferred spirits so he got a bottle of Campari and Fayrouz to dilute, the real titration. I settled for the spirit too. The ladies went for Smirnoff Ice. The interesting thing about a table with drinks is that it never lacked a subject of discussion. We talked about crazy experiences in school and abused every lecturer we despised. We laughed so loud other tables thought we were the baddest around. The ladies laughed at our jokes and as empty bottles increased, excitement and vigor elevated. Sparrow had done justice to four bottles of Heineken and was being a caring brother to us as he assisted us spiritually. I was a moderate drinker. On a normal day, a glass of spirit with a bottle of Fayrouz could have been my limit but who would want to be a sissy on a table like this? This was surely not a normal day. We ordered another bottle; McDowells. It was concentrated. Boomer was visibly displaying signs of highness. He started fondling Lizzy, his girl openly. She kissed him fully on the lips and we clapped and cheered. The whole spectator part; I was enjoying it. This was definitely my most exciting moment on campus.

Sparrow was always full of craziness one could hardly predict what he’d do next. Staggering to his feet, he managed to get up on his chair and started to scream the lyrics of Over the Moon by Dr. SID while peeing on the grass. “I feeeel like I’m flyiiiiing over the moooon! Baby baby k’ama roll! I know you gbadu my parol… ” I cannot recall any other situation that ever made me laugh so hysterically. We were too high to even stop him. We just watched and laughed until we spotted the bar attendant from a distance. In the process of hastening down, Sparrow fell from the chair facedown into his pee. His girlfriend, Mandy, rushed to help him up. Our laughter increased but died almost immediately when we saw two other hefty men come along with the bar attendant. I knew there was trouble. I rose to my feet to play mediator but surprisingly, I fell back to the chair. I never knew how high I was. My head started spinning and coordination became an effort. While I was trying to steady my legs, my head was swaying in another direction and my vision was horribly hazy. I fell a second time on my chair. “Sir, everything’s fine. We are just about leaving. Here is your money, no problem at all,” Boomer quickly said as soon as the angry bar attendant reached our table with his escort. Unlike me, he miraculously could get on his feet. The bar attendant snatched the money from him and counted. It was complete. He waited for us to leave. Sparrow had made it to his feet now, thanks to Mandy. “What happened?” he asked in a dazed and dreamy voice. Before he could figure out, he sent himself to an early grave when he puked sour liquor all over the bar attendant’s shoes. It was too late to apologize. The bouncers descended on him and no one could risk getting in the way. When they were done, one dragged him by his shirt out of the premises while the other pushed Boomer and I along. The ladies were jogging up behind, pleading.

Finally, we got to the road. Sparrow somehow, came back to some of his senses. At least, he knew he had just been pounded like yam and we were taking a cab home. He started yelling curses at the bouncers after they were long gone. Mandy calmed him to a milder level. Everyone was going home now. Sparrow and Mandy would take the first cab we would wave. I would take the next one before Boomer and Lizzy. Unfortunately, Sparrow scared off the first cab when he stepped into the road and started yelling at passing cars, “If you move, I shoot! Park well!” It took some effort to drag him back to the road side. The next cab stopped, picked him up with Mandy and then sped off. I pitied the poor girl and the headache she carried. It was going to be a miserable night for them both. Boomer was too tired to be standing, he strolled back and sat on the kerb by the gutter. I joined him. For a second, I imagined I was sitting on a chair with backrest so I leaned to rest my back, only for Boomer to grab me and yell, “Mike wetin de worry you na! You want fall break head for gutter? Behave o!” I realized what I almost did to myself so I pulled out my phone and started fidgeting to keep my mind awake. “No fear, I gallant. I never high like that,” I lied. A cab finally came along and I entered. I hit my head on the door frame and my headache grew intense. “Sorry o,” the cabby said. I got in and it felt so relaxing. This was the place I needed to be, it was so homely. “Drive de go, notin de happen.” That was all I said, still playing around with my phone in a battle to keep my brain awake. The last thing I remember before drifting off was putting my phone to my ear.

I felt chill breeze blow my skin, the bed felt a bit harder than usual and the room was quite noisy. I felt some wetness between my thighs. I could smell something stale too. I opened my eyes but it took some seconds for them to see clearly. It took minutes to realize where I was and how I was. I jerked up to a sitting position immediately I saw passing cars and people around. Few onlookers had gathered. I could hear their whispers. “He’s not dead. See, he’s waking. Poor drunkard!” I woke up to find myself on a lawn in a public park. My cheek was plastered with dried up vomit and I could see the map of urine on my trousers. “What are you all looking at, ehn? Una no get hand work?” I spat out at the few onlookers who stared at me with folded hands. I started to walk to the road side where I would pick a cab. Naturally, I felt my pockets; thank goodness, my two phones and wallet were still intact. I checked the wallet but all my money was gone, only ID cards left. Oh, the night cabby! He had taken more than he earned, after giving a wonderful service. I cursed silently. When I get to my flat, I’d pay off the cab, I thought.

While waiting for a cab, a call came in. It must be one of those psycho guys, most likely Boomer, I thought. No, I was wrong. I was in for a big surprise; caller ID displayed Popman.  My dad never called often. He only called once in a month and he had called five days ago. I was worried seeing his call. I could only hope all was well at home. “Good morning Dad,” I said, trying to hide my unusual croaky voice. “Yes Michael, good morning. Is this my son or a mad man?”  I didn’t understand the man. “Please Dad what’s the matter? I don’t understand.” He was angry now. “How can you understand? You woke me up in the middle of the night with your call just to tell me, “kiss me hard baby, kiss me hard baby, your love is fire”, what does that mean?  I need an explanation now!”