EMBER FEVER

If you’re a first time visitor, you’d have the impression that the devil and his cohorts only come alive this season. Flyers from different churches, with different tags such as, “Breaking the ember curse”, “Escaping ember disaster”, etc. are a common feature this period of the year. That, along with taxi drivers wearing helmet. As we all know, while many people suffer when there is a war, there are a certain few who benefit from the war. Same applies here; filled out capacities are a common scene in most churches during the ember period. There is nothing that drives Nigerians to church more than the fear of death. That, along with the fear of poverty.

It’s ‘ember’ and suddenly, everybody is getting cautious. Safety is suddenly creeping its way into everybody’s dictionary. Stationary stores probably record more sales for safety manuals than any other type of book. I’ve never quite understood the myth behind this ‘ember’ theory, but whosoever instigated it, must be laughing his/her ass off, wherever he/she may be. Sometimes I get the feeling that it’s someone from my mother’s bloodline though, just so that the kids may stay at home out of fear.

Jumping into a fiery furnace in the months of January to August, won’t make you any less dead than if you do so in the ‘ember’ months. I naturally hate turning people down but I’m really tired of stuffing my drawer with flyers. I get more flyers in the ‘ember’ months and the funny thing is, they all have similar themes. Every church has an ‘ember’ crusade, an ember agenda and I can’t help but wonder, if the devil suddenly unleashes special assassin demons into earth. That, along with ninja demons…uh! And Rambo demons too.

And I don’t know if I’m the only one who has noticed but the Federal Road Safety Commission (FRSC) are in the habit of carrying out sensitisation campaigns only in the ‘ember’ months. I don’t quite understand this concept, because traffic rules and safety enlightenments should be an every day programme. Accidents, quite unfortunately, occur every period of the year and not just in ‘ember’. We must let go of this ‘ember’ mentality and realise that the devil works all year round. That, along with the fact that GOD never sleeps either.

You might be getting curious as to why I keep using the quotation mark whenever I write ‘ember’. Here’s the thing, you and I know quite well, that the last four months of the year are called ‘ember’ because, ‘they all end with ember’ right? What I’m about to reveal to you, might be the world’s best kept secret. It is the type of information that will often have the ‘bizarre’ headline, on the front page of any Sun newspaper. October doesn’t end with ‘ember’, that’s probably what irks me most about the ‘ember’ theory. So whoever propagated this propaganda, committed a fallacy of hasty generalisation (I don’t even know what that means). That along with…okay just that.

So my message to everyone is simple, stay calm, the same God that has kept you since the day you were born will keep you safe to end of the year. There is nothing like ‘ember’. However, if you have a contrary opinion or view on this issue, you can always enlighten us.

You know what, don’t worry you won’t understand.